Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack interpersonal skills needed for communicaion with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solution can help address this problem? v.1

Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack interpersonal skills needed for communicaion with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solution can help address this problem? v. 1
As a human being, we live in a society. We need to communicate with each other to full fill our own needs. Business is the term which is created and developed in society to help us to fill our desires, requires higher connection and networking between the member of the society. But it is true that, the staff who just graduated from the academy or college, have lacked in their interpersonal contact skills. There are so many factors behind this situation. Firstly, In their student life they rarely have any time to meet and chat with others. Lots, of course work, exam, lab, assignment makes them tired. They come home from their school exhausted and feel sleepy. In addition, they have tension for their next day class or exam. Thus, they can rarely think of the necessity of meeting with other people, which led them to have poor delivery skills. Secondly, the rise of information and communication technology has created a tremendous impact on youngsters. . The majority of the tend to stay home with smartphones in their hand or PC in front of them chatting with their virtual friend or sharing photographs. As they emphasize on more on virtual relation, they can not be able to develop a relationship in their real life. It seems to me that, this is not a problem which is unsolvable. To develop interpersonal communication competence among freshers at first, we need to convince our educational institution to introduce extra curriculum activities. For instance, debate competition, sports and so on. At the same time educational institution should reduce their course curriculum, so that students scan get some spare times for themselves and for their friends. Without spending time with friends and family it is impossible to develop interpersonal skills. Another thing we need to do is to make aware of them about the bad impact of too much addiction of social networking sites. We have to make them to understand that, spending more time in virtual worlds is harmful for their social life and career. In conclusion, it can be said that, though most of recent graduates have lack of interpersonal communication skills, but they have quality knowledge. We just need to help them to find their way to achieve and improve social skills. They are able to develop the rest.
As a human being, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to communicate with each other to full fill our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Business is the term which
is created
and developed in society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to fill our desires, requires higher connection and networking between the member of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is true that, the staff who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from the academy or college, have lacked in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
contact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors behind this situation.

Firstly
, In their student life they rarely have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and chat with others. Lots,
of course
work, exam, lab, assignment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them tired. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home from their school exhausted and feel sleepy.
In addition
, they have tension for their
next
day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or exam.
Thus
, they can rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the necessity of meeting with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which led them to have poor delivery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, the rise of information and communication technology has created a tremendous impact on youngsters.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The majority of
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'tend' is correct. If 'tend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the tend
to stay home with smartphones in their hand or PC in front of them chatting with their virtual friend or sharing photographs. As they emphasize on more on virtual relation, they can not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
a relationship in their real life.

It seems to me that, this is not a problem which is unsolvable. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
communication competence among freshers at
first
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to convince our educational institution to introduce extra curriculum activities.
For instance
, debate competition, sports and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
educational institution should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their course curriculum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students scan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for themselves and for their friends. Without spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends and family it is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Another thing we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
aware of them about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact of too much addiction of social networking sites. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to understand that, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in virtual worlds is harmful for their social life and career.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that, though most of recent graduates have lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have quality knowledge. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
their way to achieve and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the rest.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack interpersonal skills needed for communicaion with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solution can help address this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
387 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts