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When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not. with this opinion? v. 2
In competitive today' s world, education plays a pivotal role in the improvement and promotion a society especially in third world countries in which people hope to get a bright future by pursuing it. personally, I agree with the following idea that educated individuals deserve to receive a higher salary compared to people without education. this essay will elaborate and justify this point of view. Firstly, since graduation is based on merit, educated individuals have become eligible and worthy persons that gain the graduation certificate in the long period of time study. Students progress in universities by studying in a particular field and after passing hard exams and difficult experiences they become the specialist and skilful members in their own study field for society. For instance, an educated sports coach compared to an experimental sports coach not only spends more time on fundamental body physiology but also knows how important to understand it. Thus, compared to people who did not effort for acquiring the education they have more worthy to get a higher salary. Secondly, education is very important that most of the developed countries not only consider special facilities for it but also know educated people as worthy persons to get a higher salary than the other. Many people who study in a particular field have an especial ability in a dynamic thought. Their ideas and priceless opinions are worthy to receive high salary and perks compared to a person without a graduation certificate who even do not familiar with such ideas. For example, a general practitioner has not special and valuable ideas compared to an expert neurologist about the illnesses. Therefore, being able and precious this people is related to their knowledge. Thirdly, development of job strategy is a powerful ability that its foundation shapes from universities. educated people with job strategy can recognize the most pivotal challenges and determine companies' strategy based on these. In addition, having a job strategy lead to being responsible for companies' purposes. For instance, an educated person can easily control value activities which lead to acquiring profit. Hence, educated individuals deserve to get a higher salary and perk because they can be more useful for a company. In conclusion, personally, I believe that a higher salary and a bright future is an encouragement and a motivation for worthy people who pursue their education and be more useful for societies. Education helps them to have dynamic thought, job strategy and enough skill.
In competitive
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a pivotal role in the improvement and promotion a society
especially
in third world countries in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a bright future by pursuing it.
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
individuals deserve to receive a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will elaborate and justify this point of view.

Firstly
, since graduation
is based
on merit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
individuals have become eligible and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
that gain the graduation certificate in the long period of time study. Students progress in universities by studying in a particular field and after passing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
exams and difficult experiences they become the specialist and
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
members in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
study field for society.
For instance
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
sports coach compared to an experimental sports coach not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spends more time on fundamental body physiology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
knows how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand it.
Thus
, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not effort for acquiring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worthy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider special facilities for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
than the other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study in a particular field have an especial ability in a dynamic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and priceless opinions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worthy
to receive high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and perks compared to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
without a graduation certificate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
even do not familiar with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
For example
, a general practitioner has not special and valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
compared to an expert neurologist about the illnesses.
Therefore
, being able and precious this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
related to their knowledge.

Thirdly
, development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strategy
is a powerful ability that its foundation shapes from universities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strategy
can recognize the most pivotal challenges and determine
Possible spelling mistake found.
companies&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strategy
based on these.
In addition
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strategy
lead to being responsible for
Possible spelling mistake found.
companies&
#039; purposes.
For instance
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
easily
control value activities which lead to acquiring profit.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
individuals deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and perk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can be more useful for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
,
personally
, I believe that a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and a bright future is an encouragement and a motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and be more useful for societies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to have dynamic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strategy
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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