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Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to like interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be reason for this? What solution can help address this problem? v.1

Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to like interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be reason for this? What solution can help address this problem? v. 1
It is very clear that, every criminal should be punished, but there is a lot of debate on the method or quantum of punishment. Some people believe that, in order to prevent heinous crimes like rape and murder, criminals should be given the death penalty, but others argue, it should be a life long sentence. In this essay, I will explore both sides of the argument with suitable examples. Firstly, those who support the death penalty as a mode of punishment believe that, it will instill fear into the minds of criminals. For example, in countries like Saudi Arabia that endorses capital punishment for serious crimes, have seen a drastic decrease in rape incidents. Moreover, a death penalty will save taxpayers money, which will otherwise be utilized for the safe keeping of the criminal in jail. On the other hand, some people argue that, the Government or any other agencies do not have the right to take the life of a person. Therefore the only viable option is to go for life long sentence. For example, in many Scandinavian countries, capital punishments are completely abolished, since they believe it's not in their power to take another man's life. Moreover, a life sentence will give the criminal a chance to deliberate the bad choices, and he/she could become a reformed person. To conclude, the debate over death penalty versus life sentence will remain one of the controversial topics. There are pros and cons to both sides of the story, and the decision to go with one of these punishments will depend on the belief system of a country.
It is
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very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, every
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criminal
should
be punished
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debate on the method or quantum of
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punishment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
heinous crimes like rape and murder,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others argue, it should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
. In this essay, I will explore both sides of the argument with suitable examples.

Firstly
, those who support the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
as a mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
believe that, it will instill fear into the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
For example
, in countries like Saudi Arabia that endorses capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for serious crimes, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a drastic decrease in rape incidents.
Moreover
, a death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
will save taxpayers money, which will
otherwise
be utilized
for the safe keeping of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in jail.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
or any other agencies do not have the right to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a person.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
viable option is to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Scandinavian countries, capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are completely abolished, since they believe it's not in their power to take another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
a chance to deliberate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choices, and he/she could become a reformed person.

To conclude
, the debate over death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
versus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
will remain one of the controversial topics. There are pros and cons to both sides of the story, and the decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
will depend on the belief system of a country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some business observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to like interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be reason for this? What solution can help address this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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