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When teachers assign projects on which students must work together, the students learn much more effectively than when they are asked to work alone on projects. v.1

When teachers assign projects on which students must work together, the students learn much more effectively than when they are asked to work alone on projects. v. 1
Nowadays, obesity is a highly increasing issue among people. This trend is mainly due to excess consumption of junk food and a sedentary lifestyle. However, several measures could be implemented to solve this problem. One imperative cause behind gaining weight dramatically amongst people is too much consumption of fast food. As leading busy in the office people usually have to rely more on processed packaged food. The more use of fast food, more obese people will become. However, obesity leads to many health issues eventually people have to suffer it in the form of illness. To exemplify, in a family, both husband and wife are employed, which means that they are not able to cook food at home, and in order to not defer at the workplace they eat preserved food. To tackle this problem, the government should raise tax on such products so that it would not be affordable for people to buy. As a result, home-made food will be given first priority. A sedentary lifestyle is another major reason for overweight. Because sometimes people tend to work longer hours to achieve companies target as well as to have a decent lifestyle, meaning that no time for exercise. Consequently, the augmenting number of people are becoming overweight. To find a solution to this problem, people must incorporate exercise in their daily routine as work life. For example, in Japan, companies do not allow to work employees unless they have 35 inches and 30 inch waist for male and female respectively. For getting jobs it is indispensable for the Japanese to maintain their health that requires daily exercise and some leisure activities. It has resulted in them to be fit and healthy. In conclusion, obesity often stems from the huge consumption of junk foods and a sedentary lifestyle. Only when the government raise taxes on processed, packaged food and people involve some exercise in everyday life, will the issue be fully resolved.
Nowadays, obesity is a
highly
increasing issue among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This trend is
mainly
due to excess consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
However
, several measures could
be implemented
to solve this problem.

One imperative cause behind gaining weight
dramatically
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
too much consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
leading busy in the office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely more on processed packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, more obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become.
However
, obesity leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer it in the form of illness. To exemplify, in a family, both husband and wife
are employed
, which means that they are not able to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home, and in order to not defer at the workplace they eat preserved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To tackle this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should raise tax on such products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it would not be affordable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
As a result
, home-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
first
priority.

A sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is another major reason for overweight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to work longer hours to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
target
as well
as to have a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, meaning that no time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Consequently
, the augmenting number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming overweight. To find a solution to this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their daily routine as work life.
For example
, in Japan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
employees unless they have
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
35 inches
and
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 inch
Possible agreement error. The noun 'waist' seems to be countable, so consider using: "waists".
waist
for male and female
respectively
. For getting jobs it is indispensable for the Japanese to maintain their health that requires daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure activities. It has resulted in them to
be fit
and healthy.

In conclusion
, obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stems from the huge consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
raise taxes on processed, packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in everyday life, will the issue be
fully
resolved.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay When teachers assign projects on which students must work together, the students learn much more effectively than when they are asked to work alone on projects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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