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Many people believe that it is important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyse each view point and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position. v.1

Many people believe that it is important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyse each view point and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position. v. 1
As one goes through life, meeting unpleasant experiences is inevitable. Most people prefer one should try and adapt to such circumstances while others think otherwise. In my essay, I’ll talk about both views and provide my thought on it. Every day, people tend to struggle with different issues just to be comfortable in life. Many go extra mile, spending long hours at work and still have nothing to show for it. For instance, a trader who spends about 12hours each day at work and still makes little profit, will not be happy because he or she expects that his or her commitment should yield something intriguing and in the long run gain job satisfaction but the reverse is the case. Thus, accepting the situation the way it comes may help him or her strive for a better tomorrow and provide a positive attitude towards the job. On the other hand, for a person who devotes his entire time to his job and still ends up getting less turnovers can try and figure out ways to improve the manner through which he or she delivers his or her duty. For example, a man who sells drinks in a bar where there is no music playing can incorporate music into his business and by so doing increase his number of patronage on a daily basis. Also, he can include games such as chess, ludo and other board games which customers can engage in or even set up a television through which individuals can watch matches. By entertaining them, it can increase sales because most of these people will not just sit down without a drink at their table while the match is going on. To conclude, people should look out for possible strategies to help mitigate their short comings. Instead of accepting the problem the way it is, one should seek possible solutions for improvement.
As one goes through life, meeting unpleasant experiences is inevitable. Most
people
prefer one should
try and
adapt to such circumstances while others
think
otherwise
. In my essay, I’ll talk about both views and provide my
thought
on it.

Every day,
people
tend to struggle with
different
issues
just
to be comfortable in life.
Many
go extra mile, spending long hours at work and
still
have nothing to
show
for it.
For instance
, a trader who spends about 12hours each day at work and
still
makes
little
profit, will not be happy
because
he or she
expects
that
his or her
commitment should yield something intriguing and in the long run gain job satisfaction
but
the reverse is the case.
Thus
, accepting the situation the way it
comes
may
help
him or her strive for a better tomorrow and provide a
positive
attitude towards the job.

On the other hand
, for a person who devotes his entire time to his job and
still
ends up getting
less
turnovers can
try and
figure out ways to
improve
the manner through which he or she delivers
his or her
duty.
For example
, a
man
who sells drinks in a bar where there is no music playing can incorporate music into his business and by
so
doing increase his number of patronage on a daily basis.

Also
, he can include games such as chess, ludo and other board games which customers can engage in or even set up a television through which individuals can
watch
matches. By entertaining them, it can increase sales
because
most of these
people
will not
just
sit down without a drink at their table while the match is going on.

To conclude
,
people
should look out for possible strategies to
help
mitigate their
short comings
.
Instead
of accepting the problem the way it is, one should seek possible solutions for improvement.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that it is important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyse each view point and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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