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When students go to a university, many of them take a job for the first time. Some people say that this teaches them responsibility and prepares them to enterthe workforce. Others say that working distracts them from their most importanttask: studying. Do v.1

When students go to a university, many of them take a job for the first time. Some people say that this teaches them responsibility and prepares them to enterthe workforce. Others say that working distracts them from their most importanttask: studying. Do v. 1
Around the world, there are several countries that consider 18 years to adulthood, and this means they allow people to do the job, get married and to do other activities which any adult will do. On the other hand, there are many places where the rules are different, and there is diversity in sex as well. Firstly, most of the young people by 18 they are well grown, and they understand everything around them. It might sound good as far as they do something for themselves, but when it comes to making decisions such as marriage and family, this seems a little too early. Most of the youth are in school or college at this stage, and they do not have the maturity to make decisions for themselves. They can be skilled, but that doesn't mean that everyone will be witty enough to make his own decisions. So it is wise to keep 21 years to adulthood instead of 18. For example, I was studying when I was 20 and preparing to give interviews, but I was not ready to think about marriage. Most of the youth want to get a job before they start thinking about marriage. Secondly, youth is the power of any nation. They should be given enough time to make a decision, and giving them a sudden responsibility in 18 years would be too much. For example, If a student has just finished his school when he/she enters in the 18th year if that is an age of adulthood, it will undoubtedly put extra pressure on him and might not perform and feel free if he is given the age of 21 when he is much more mature. To conclude, I would say 21 years is the best age for the youth to start thinking about themselves and making their own decisions. This way, they will have the required maturity and qualification as well.
Around the world, there are several countries that consider 18 years to adulthood, and this means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do the job,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and to do other activities which any adult will do.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, and there is diversity in sex
as well
.

Firstly
, most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by 18 they are well grown, and they understand everything around them. It might sound
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as far as they do something for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
such as marriage and family, this seems a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
too early. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
are in school or college at this stage, and they do not have the maturity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for themselves. They can
be skilled
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that doesn't mean that everyone will be witty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
21 years to adulthood
instead
of 18.

For example
, I was studying when I was 20 and preparing to give interviews,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about marriage. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking about marriage.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is the power of any nation. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, and giving them a sudden responsibility in 18 years would be too much.
For example
, If a student has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished his school when he/she
There isn't usually a preposition after "enters". Did you mean "enters the 18th"?
enters in the 18th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
if
that is
an age of adulthood, it will
undoubtedly
put extra pressure on him and might not perform and feel free if he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the age of 21 when he is much more mature.

To conclude
, I would say 21 years is the best age for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking about themselves and making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. This way, they will have the required maturity and qualification
as well
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When students go to a university, many of them take a job for the first time. Some people say that this teaches them responsibility and prepares them to enterthe workforce. Others say that working distracts them from their most importanttask: studying. Do v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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