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Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.2

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. with this view? v. 2
It is true that and caring for a child needs great responsibility, and raising a child is not an easy task. However, I disagree with the idea that we should force all mothers and fathers to attend courses related to the childcare. In my opinion, the idea that all future parents should take a parenthood preparation course is impractical. Many prospective parents have jobs and busy schedules, and they may not be willing to or able to attend regular parenting courses. This raises the question of whether those who missed the classes, or perhaps refused to attend would be punished. It would be wrong to do this, and it would therefore be impossible to enforce the idea of compulsory parenting training. Besides, even if people were forced to do so, I think it would be too difficult to decide the syllabus of the parenting course that fits everybody because every individual has a different mindset. Moreover, I would agree that training for parents are unnecessary. Mothers and fathers of older generations have been raising without any formal instruction or an official interference for thousands of years. Parenting skills have been learnt from older family members, friends, neighbours. Also, some adults have an instinct that guides them during parenting, and many parents get better at the childcare by trial and error; for example, a good parents will try developing different strategies for raising his/her child properly, and in time he/she will eventually know which one fits best for him/her and his/her child. Neither of them mentioned in this paragraph needs a compulsory course of parenting. In summary, while taught courses that parents are obliged to attend might sound like a good idea for some, I believe that such a practice is
It is true that and caring for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
needs great responsibility, and raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is not an easy task.
However
, I disagree with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that we should force all mothers and fathers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
related to the childcare.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that all future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take a parenthood preparation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is impractical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have jobs and busy schedules, and they may not be willing to or able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. This raises
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
those who missed the classes, or perhaps refused to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
would
be punished
. It would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to do this, and it would
therefore
be impossible to enforce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
training.
Besides
, even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were forced
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be too difficult to decide the syllabus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
that fits everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every individual has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindset.

Moreover
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unnecessary. Mothers and fathers of older generations have been raising without any formal instruction or an official interference for thousands of years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
have been
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from older family members, friends,
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults have an instinct that guides them during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better at the childcare by trial and error;
for example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will try developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies for raising his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
properly
, and in time he/she will
eventually
know which one fits best for him/her and his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Neither of them mentioned in this paragraph needs a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of parenting.

In summary, while taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are obliged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
might sound like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, I believe that such a practice is
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. with this view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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