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Many university students live with their families, while other live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v.1

Many university students live with their families, while other live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 1
Many think that the legal age in which people should marry ought to be 21 years old at the least. In my opinion, I believe that the people should be married legally older than this age as it can affect the individuals and society negatively. A good reason as to why age older than 21 should be the legal age for marriage is that it prepares people to be matured, especially in decision-making. This is because of the fact that many younger adults today tend to decide based from their emotions instantly. For instance, many Canadians aged 21 in the recent years decide to marry and start family, though they are not yet capable of it financially. As a result, many of these married couples incur a lot of debt and end up having a divorce; affecting their families, most significantly their children’s upbringing. Another point to consider in this issue of making age 21 the legal age for marrying is that it brings problems to the society, specifically to its employment rate. Individuals, mostly women, who get married at age of 21, consequently get pregnant immediately and have maternity leave for 2 years of more. This is affecting the workforce of a country, such as the public sectors, because it lessens the number of professionals who can give service to the population. If this happens more, there will be underemployment among nations, declining the productivity in societies, which could lead to further problems in the future. In conclusion, the legal age for people to have marital commitments should be older than 21 if a country wishes to avoid broken families and underemployment in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should marry ought to be 21 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
at the least. In my opinion, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be married
legally
older than this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as it can affect the individuals and society
negatively
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
older than 21 should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for marriage is that it prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be matured
,
especially
in decision-making. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
younger adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
tend to decide based from their emotions
instantly
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Canadians aged 21 in the recent years decide to marry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
family, though they are not
yet
capable of it
financially
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these married couples incur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having a divorce; affecting their families, most
significantly
their children’s upbringing.

Another point to consider in this issue of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
21 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for marrying is that it brings problems to the society,
specifically
to its employment rate. Individuals,
mostly
women, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 21,
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pregnant immediately and have maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for 2 years of more. This is affecting the workforce of a country, such as the public sectors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it lessens the number of professionals who can give service to the population. If this happens more, there will be underemployment among nations, declining the productivity in societies, which could lead to
further
problems in the future.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have marital commitments should be older than 21 if a country wishes to avoid broken families and underemployment in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many university students live with their families, while other live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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