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when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.1

when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 1
In today`s fast paced world, when people have no time to look after their old ones, 3/4th part of the grey generation accommodates in old care homes. Ethically, these old care homes are run by state or federal regimes, though some people opine families should pay for their expenses and take responsibility. I believe, it is the mutual role of families and governments to pay for these organisations, as old people served for their country and children in their whole life. To commence with, it is commonly said, Old is Gold. Old people are treasures of country and families. But, now-a-days it is evident that most of senior citizen go to live in old care homes, away from their children. These homes provide a plethora of services like nurses, various appliances and company of their peer group. Where, these services are so expensive in the modern world, the governments come into spotlight to pay for these expenses. Thinking critically, it is onus of the regime to provide financial aids, as older people contribute to national development economically and socially. For illustration, Milkha Singh, a famous Indian athlete, he is now in early 70`s and has so source of income, but during his young age, he played for his country, which not only esteemed his popularity but country`s reputation as well. Hence, it's time for government to pay back. On the other viewpoint, when it is onus of government to pay back, it is not deniable that today`s senior citizen were youngsters one day. And, they were the bread-earners of the family, so now it is time for their children do something for their old ones. From my personal experience, our old ones devote their whole life for a better future of their offsprings. Lastly, in their old age, it is the responsibility of children to take-care them or pay for their care. To put in a nutshell, I reiterate my viewpoint, it is onus of government and families, both to pay for the expenses in old care home. Owed to the reason, old people who acted as a doctor, engineer, military, police, teacher or their perspective career thought out their life and served for society and their family.
In
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today`s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no time to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, 3/4th part of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
generation accommodates in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
Ethically
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are run
by state or federal regimes, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their expenses and take responsibility. I believe, it is the mutual role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
served for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their whole life.

To commence with, it is
commonly
said,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
is Gold.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are treasures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days it is evident that
Consider using "most senior" or "most of the senior".
most of senior
citizen go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
provide a plethora of services like nurses, various appliances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their peer group. Where, these services are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive in the modern world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into spotlight to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for these expenses. Thinking
critically
, it is onus of the regime to provide financial aids, as older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute to national development
economically
and
socially
. For illustration,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milkha
Singh, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian athlete, he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "70s".
70`s
and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "sourced".
source
of income,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
during his young age, he played for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
esteemed his popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
The character between 'country' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "country’s" (curly apostrophe) or "country's" (straight apostrophe).
country`s
reputation
as well
.
Hence
, it's time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
back.

On the other viewpoint, when it is onus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
back, it is not deniable that
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today`s
senior citizen were youngsters one day. And, they were the bread-earners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do something for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. From my personal experience, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
devote their whole life for a better future of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
Lastly
, in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age, it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take-care them or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their care.

To put in a nutshell, I reiterate my viewpoint, it is onus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, both to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the expenses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
home. Owed to the reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who acted as a doctor, engineer, military, police, teacher or their perspective career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
out their life and served for society and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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