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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 3
It is important to consider old age people can live their ending life in old age homes. Nowadays who are gets old they prepared to live with old people due to nobody taking care at home. These kind of people depending on their family or government will provide some provision to pay their expenses. I will discuss more details in former view. Firstly, No one taking care of their old aged parents due to people become more money minded and busy with there professional life. Parents are depending on their childrens, but they are living far away from them. For example, Parents are staying in India and kids are staying in abroad, then who will taking care them. Most of the countries are paying pension to who has more than 60 years. So old people prepare to stay at old age homes, due to medical facilities and same group people will give company to them day-to-day life. But kids responsibility to take care of their old age parents. In this case children must take care their old aged parents in the later stage of the life. Family should pay all the expenses of their parents. Secondly, some old people are alone staying at home like orphan. These people prefer to stay at old age homes. For example, If old age people living as orphan, he or she no earning, then government need to give support to them. In this age people require happiness and some one should give love and support. Government will provide all the expenses and medical facilities for these people. Nowadays so many countries are providing all the medical facilities and pension for old aged orphans. In the conclusion, old aged people who are having kids, they has to take care their parents expenses and give support to them at the later age, who are orphans government has to provide these kind of support. I will support both the cases.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider
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old
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age
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people
can
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live
their ending
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life
in
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old
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age
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homes
. Nowadays
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who
are
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gets
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old
they prepared to
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live
with
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old
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people
due to nobody taking
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care
at home.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
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people
depending on their family or
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government
will provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
provision to pay their expenses. I will discuss more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in former view.

Firstly
, No one taking
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care
of their
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old
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aged
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parents
due to
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people
become more money minded and busy with there professional
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life
.
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Parents
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
,
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but
they are living far away from them.
For example
,
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Parents
are staying in India and kids are staying in abroad, then
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who
will taking
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care
them. Most of the countries are paying pension to
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who
has more than 60 years.
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So
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old
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people
prepare to stay at
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old
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age
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homes
, due to medical facilities and same group
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people
will
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give
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company
to them day-to-day
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life
.
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But
kids responsibility to take
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care
of their
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old
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age
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parents
.
In this case
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
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care
their
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old
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aged
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parents
in the later stage of the
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life
. Family should pay all the expenses of their parents.

Secondly
,
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some
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old
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people
are alone staying at home like orphan. These
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people
prefer to stay at
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old
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
For example
, If
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old
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age
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people
living as orphan, he or she no earning, then
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government
need to
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give
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support
to them. In this
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require happiness and
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
should
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give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
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support
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
will provide all the expenses and medical facilities for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are providing all the medical facilities and pension for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
orphans.

In the conclusion,
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old
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aged
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people
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who
are having kids, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "have", "haven"
has
to take
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care
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
expenses and
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give
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support
to them at the later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are orphans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
both the cases.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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