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Do you agree or disagree with following statement? A person should never made an important decision alone. v.1

A person should never made an important decision alone. v. 1
The choices we make today can profoundly influence our future. Personally, I believe that we should never make important decisions on our own. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, different people have different opinions. In order to make the right choice people should discuss every possible decision and its consequences. Making an important decision alone can bring many negative aspects. For instance, a person can reveal his selfishness or impatience and the consequences of that decision can affect many people in the future. I think that's a good and wise decision can be born only by great discussions because people can share their knowledge and experiences a look at the problem from different sides and aspects. To sum up, people who are sharing their problems with darlings, can solve this issue properly due to everyone give their own idea. In addition, everyone is limited in his energy, it is impossible to do everything all by ourselves. So, sometimes we might need some experiences or knowledge. If we can discuss with other people, it can make this decision become more perfect. For example, teenagers are too young to make any important decision because they are not mature enough yet. Therefore, they need to ask their parents for helping. In short, humans are the one who makes errors, so it is better to consult others before making a big decision in life. Otherwise we are the one, who suffer when a mistake is occurring. By consulting others, we get more knowledge, information by an experienced person. In summary, I think that a person should always consult his parents, relatives, friends, or colleges when making an important decision to avoid possible mistakes.
The choices we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can
profoundly
influence our future.
Personally
, I believe that we should never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions. In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should discuss every possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and its consequences. Making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
alone can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
For instance
, a person can reveal his selfishness or impatience and the consequences of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can
be born
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by great discussions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their knowledge and experiences a look at the problem from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides and aspects.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are sharing their problems with darlings, can solve this issue
properly
due to everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gives", "gave".
give
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
In addition
, everyone
is limited
in his energy, it is impossible to do everything all by ourselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we might need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences or knowledge. If we can discuss with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
become more perfect.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are too young to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
yet
.
Therefore
, they need to ask their parents for helping.

In short, humans are the one who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
errors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is better to consult others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
in life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
we are the one, who suffer when a mistake is occurring. By consulting others, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge, information by an experienced person.

In summary, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a person should always consult his parents, relatives, friends, or colleges when making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to avoid possible mistakes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A person should never made an important decision alone. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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