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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.4

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 4
There is an argument that centers on when the elders are taken care by caregivers by which to paid by country or family them self. Even though family can pay for the care giving person, I highly believe that the cost should be provided by government. On the one hand, the price can be paid by the old people them self or their family but that is impossible that all the people can pay that. Firstly, nowadays many elder people are suffered by poorness, if they have to pay for care them when they are sick or struggling in health issues, that issues will be serious or they could be died in without looking after because of money. For example, few years ago at my country an old lady died alone and people found her body few weeks later after her death, if she had enough money and got better care she could not die, at least not that miserable situation. Secondly, if pay for the price personally, the care will not be equal because of money again, which is divided by their property, rich people take better care that poor people and richer could live longer than others. Lastly, this can make the issue about pay tax, if they should pay for it them self people have to save money since very young so public do not want to pay tax it directly linked to national competitive. On the other hand, if the cost is on the government there are many benefits for the following reasons. To begin with, all people can take care equally, if the old man or the family have lot of money they can pay and get better service than usual but in this situation everyone has bottom line of the care no one will be dropped. In addition, if the country give care to people when they old, people have trusty to their country, which is connected to rates it will be very helpful to the country. As a result, care giving nationally average health of public get better and people love their own country. For example, after some bad events my country`s public welfare system is getting better so people getting happier for now. In conclusion, although people can pay for care giving them self, in my point of view, I am convinced that nationally reap more benefits.
There is an argument that centers on when the elders
are taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by caregivers by which to paid by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
them self.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
giving person, I
highly
believe that the cost should
be provided
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the one hand, the price can
be paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
them self or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
impossible that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
that.
Firstly
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffered
by poorness, if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
them when they are sick or struggling in health issues, that issues will be
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
serious or
they could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in without looking after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, few years ago at my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
lady
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
alone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found her body few weeks later after her death, if she had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
she could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
, at least not that miserable situation.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the price
personally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
will not be equal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
again, which
is divided
by their property, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and richer could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than others.
Lastly
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the issue about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
tax, if they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for it them self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
public do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
tax it
directly
linked to national competitive.

On the other hand
, if the cost is on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the following reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
equally
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
service than usual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this situation everyone has bottom line of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
no one will
be dropped
.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have trusty to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which
is connected
to rates it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
giving
nationally
average health of public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
my
The character between 'country' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "country’s" (curly apostrophe) or "country's" (straight apostrophe).
country`s
public welfare system is getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting happier for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
giving them self, in my point of view, I
am convinced
that
nationally
reap more benefits.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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