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When selecting a university, which factors among the following three do you consider the most important? Cost, size, or location. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

When selecting a university, which factors among the following three do you consider the most important? Cost, size, or location. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
Even though music is seen as an art of universal appeal, I do not agree that it is a way of bringing people of different backgrounds together. In the first place, most cultures have their sounds in their local language. It is thus an uphill task for a foreigner to enjoy what he cannot understand. This language barrier creates a wall against individuals from other cultures. Secondly, there have been genuine concerns about how globalization has caused the loss of certain genres of traditional music because the local people have stopped producing them and would rather learn foreign songs. This has led to the loss of indigenous tunes. For this reason, many traditional people in Africa, for example, have an aversion to foreign songs. With respect to age groups, the people in one generation tend to have a different taste in music from people of another generation. Most elderly people love slow and thoughtful melodies, while younger people may prefer a more upbeat genre. This clash of interest does not make music a unifying factor rather, it makes it a source of division. Furthermore, technology has led to the production of all kinds of equipment that have totally changed the way music is produced, making it different from what the more traditionally elderly people are used to. Many elderly people will rather watch bands perform live, while the younger once would not mind studio-produced beats. In summary, in as much as it can bring people of the same culture or age group together, the effects of music may not be the same amongst people of different cultural or generational backgrounds.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an art of universal appeal, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is a way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds together.

In the
first
place, most cultures have their sounds in their local language. It is
thus
an uphill task for a foreigner to enjoy what he cannot understand. This language barrier creates a wall against individuals from other cultures.
Secondly
, there have been genuine concerns about how globalization has caused the loss of certain genres of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
producing them and would
rather
learn foreign songs. This has led to the loss of indigenous tunes.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Africa,
for example
, have an aversion to foreign songs.

With respect to age groups, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one generation tend to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
taste in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of another generation. Most elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
slow and thoughtful melodies, while younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may prefer a more upbeat genre. This clash of interest does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
a unifying factor
rather
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a source of division.
Furthermore
, technology has led to the production of all kinds of equipment that have
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is produced
, making it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from what the more
traditionally
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
bands perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, while the younger once would not mind studio-produced beats.

In summary, in as much as it can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the same culture or age group together, the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
may not be the same amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural or generational backgrounds.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When selecting a university, which factors among the following three do you consider the most important? Cost, size, or location. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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