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The table shows source of student income over a five-year period in the United States. Write a report for a college lecturer describing the information shown below. v.1

The table shows source of student income over a five-year period in the United States. Write a report for a college lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1
In our current society, smart phones have become a necessity for almost everyone. They are useful gadgets for people to stay connected. Most teenagers start to own a mobile phone when they are in high school, for them to contact their parents or loved ones. Smartphones are now equipped with numerous applications. These include social media platforms and sophisticated games, which are mostly free to download. Among them are Instagram, Facebook. Furthermore, games have been designed to become livelier and more interactive, examples such as Brawl Stars and Clash of Clans. Teenagers get easily addicted to such interactive games, eventually spending long hours, sometimes till late at night just to complete certain demands of the game. Neglecting their sleep would be detrimental to those who have school the next day. Lack of sleep often results in students being less attentive in class, a time where they should be learning to improve academically. The internet has also become accessible via our smartphones, offering vast amounts of information to read up on during their free time. On the other hand, teenagers usually use this time to update their social image or status. The time being spent on social media could instead be used for reading and gaining new knowledge. Lack of reading practice may impair their reading competence in the future. In addition to reading skills, teenagers’ ability to write well also would be affected by overusing their mobile phones. Through the frequent use of social media, teenagers chat online through messenger applications, commonly using short forms and abbreviations. This could become a bad habit when they incorporate the improper language into their written work. In conclusion, I feel that the excessive use of smartphones has adverse effects on the teenagers of today, having an impact on their literacy skills. Hence, I recommend that teenagers exercise the self-discipline on the time spent on their mobile phones.
In our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a necessity for almost everyone. They are useful gadgets for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay connected. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
when they are in high school, for them to contact their parents or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

Smartphones are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
equipped with numerous applications. These include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms and sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which are
mostly
free to download. Among them are Instagram, Facebook.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
been designed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
livelier and more interactive, examples such as Brawl Stars and Clash of Clans.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
addicted to such interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
eventually
spending long hours,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
till late at night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to complete certain demands of the game. Neglecting their sleep would be detrimental to those who have school the
next
day. Lack of sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in students being less attentive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, a
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
they should be learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
academically
.

The internet has
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
accessible via our smartphones, offering vast amounts of information to read up on during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to update their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
image or status. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media could
instead
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and gaining new knowledge. Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
practice may impair their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
competence in the future.

In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
ability to write well
also
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by overusing their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Through the frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
chat online through messenger applications,
commonly
using short forms and abbreviations. This could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit when they incorporate the improper language into their written work.

In conclusion
, I feel that the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of smartphones has adverse effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, having an impact on their literacy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, I recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
exercise the self-discipline on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The table shows source of student income over a five-year period in the United States. Write a report for a college lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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