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Nowadays people the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays people the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 2
Although globalization has raised the horizon for world markets in multitudes, there are some unaddressed issues that I believe should be discussed and considered as an equally serious concern. One of the sectors that are primarily affected by globalization are the indigenous businesses managed by local market owners. Products such as handloom and herbal medicine, which earned their local popularity through words of mouth, do not stand a chance to the much advertised products sold by international companies. By opening different branches of their own stores worldwide, these companies face no difficulty in making their products accessible for people even living in remote parts of the globe. Because of this, small scale business native to a country are unable to generate the expected profit. Therefore, they are pushed to the extent of closing their business and bankrupt. On the bright side, undeniably internationalization had indeed made world market leaders sell their products crossing boundaries. Another business strategy adopted by these world spread industries is the customization of an item to attract the potential consumers. For instance, in order to promote themselves a multinational burger chain popular in western countries learned the taste preference of the native people and launched a another variety made with flavour and ingredients of another popular local delicacy. Furthermore, it was even named after it. Due to this, the overall sales profit for the company increased by 10%. To summarise, it is inevitable that globalization will continue to grow in the upcoming years With a plethora of benefits to the global economy, trade and, people in spite of that sad truth that it will also pave way to the downfall of local businesses.
Although globalization has raised the horizon for world markets in multitudes, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unaddressed issues that I believe should
be discussed
and considered as an
equally
serious concern.

One of the sectors that are
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by globalization are the indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
managed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market owners.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Products
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
handloom
and herbal medicine, which earned their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
popularity through words of mouth, do not stand a chance to the much advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
sold by international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. By opening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
branches of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
stores worldwide, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
face no difficulty in making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
accessible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even living in remote parts of the globe.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
native to a country are unable to generate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
profit.
Therefore
, they
are pushed
to the extent of closing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and bankrupt.

On the bright side,
undeniably
internationalization had
indeed
made world market leaders sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
crossing boundaries. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategy adopted by these world spread industries is the customization of an item to attract the potential consumers.

For instance
, in order to promote themselves a multinational burger chain popular in western countries learned the taste preference of the native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and launched
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
another variety made with
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
and ingredients of another popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
delicacy.
Furthermore
, it was even named after it. Due to this, the
overall
sales profit for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
increased by 10%.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, it is inevitable that globalization will continue to grow in the upcoming years

With a plethora of benefits to the global economy, trade and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
that sad truth that it will
also
pave way to the downfall of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays people the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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