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108. When purchasing a house, some think the location of the house is the most important consideration. In contrast, others think the size of the house is the most important consideration. Which of these two opinions do you agree with and why? v.1

108. When purchasing a house, some think the location of the house is the most important consideration. In contrast, others think the size of the house is the most important consideration. Which of these two opinions do you agree with and why? v. 1
Sugar intake is harmful to the human body. Some are of the view that it is the duty of the Government to regulate the consumption of sugar. While others believe that there should be self-control among people. This essay believes that people should take their health to live a healthy life. To start with, too much intake of sugar can be detrimental to one's health the more reason why people should see it as their major role. In other words, regular intake of sugar can increase the risk of some health-related diseases such as heart problems, diabetes and unnecessary weight gain to mention a few. A study by the Ministry of health in the UK of over 50, 000 people found that those who consumed 17-20% calories from added sugar had a 38% greater risk of dying from heart diseases compared to those consuming only 5% calories from added sugar. Therefore, it can be deduced that it is self-effort that can be done by people rather than the Government. Another point to consider is that taking more sweetening like contain sugar can make people develop covetousness. This means that they will be greedy and can go at any length to consume it even if they don't have money to buy it. Such an attitude might lead people to involve in shady habits such as stealing and lying. This can be exemplified in the altitude of little nephew Tunde that is used to be given chocolate to school by his parent, however, due to the economic situation he can't afford to give him chocolate to school and this makes him steal from his classmates. To conclude, regulating sugar intake should not be the duty of the state, it is an individual effort of the people to take control of what they eat in order to stay healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
is harmful to the human body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the view that it is the duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
to regulate the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe that there should be self-control among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take their health to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can be detrimental to one's health the more reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as their major role.
In other words
, regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health-related diseases such as heart problems, diabetes and unnecessary weight gain to mention a few. A study by the Ministry of health in the UK of over 50, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found that those who consumed 17-20% calories from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
had a 38% greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of dying from heart diseases compared to those consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% calories from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Therefore
, it can
be deduced
that it is self-effort that can
be done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
.

Another point to consider is that taking more sweetening like contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop covetousness. This means that they will be greedy and can go at any length to consume it even if they don't have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. Such an attitude might lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to involve in shady habits such as stealing and lying. This can
be exemplified
in the altitude of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
nephew
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tunde
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chocolate to school by his parent,
however
, due to the economic situation he can't afford to give him chocolate to school and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him steal from his classmates.

To conclude
, regulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
should not be the duty of the state, it is an individual effort of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take control of what they eat in order to stay healthy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 108. When purchasing a house, some think the location of the house is the most important consideration. In contrast, others think the size of the house is the most important consideration. Which of these two opinions do you agree with and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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