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When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. v. 7
It is sometimes argued that the key factor leads to the success is working hard and there is no presence of luck. While I completely agree with this statement, I do not believe that the success of people is only because of diligence. First of all, conscientiousness is primary step to achieve dream. When working hard, people will gain experience and even at risk, they will mature. For example, Harland Sanders – the founder of KFC, before his success when he was sixty-years old, he always tried his best despite of many times of unsuccess. Therefore, to reach the success, people will hitch their wagon to a star and never give up. The next reason is no one becomes prosperous without having enough knowledge and indolent will be eliminated since there are many graduated people around; it’s hard to be capture attention. So individuals must advance their education and improve themselves. If someone has a good position in a large company despite of lacking of well-educated, he will be asked to resign soon. However, it can be seen from the opposite angle. In some case, when people work hard at a job where the boss doesn' t value their efforts, all their hard work gets them is taken for granted. As a result, just working hard by itself will exhaust them and shorten their lifespan without any benefits to them. At school, for example, students sometimes get good marks by luck if their teachers mark the students wrong. In conclusion, I believe that without working hard and having luck, people can not make their ambition come true.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the key factor leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and there is no presence of luck. While I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, I do not believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of diligence.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, conscientiousness is primary step to achieve dream. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain experience and even at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, they will mature.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Harland
Sanders
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the founder of KFC,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
when he was sixty-years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he always tried his best
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsuccess
.
Therefore
, to reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will hitch their wagon to a star and never give up. The
next
reason is no one becomes prosperous without having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and indolent will
be eliminated
since there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around; it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to be capture attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
advance their education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves. If someone has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
lacking of well-educated, he will
be asked
to resign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

However
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the opposite angle. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
at a job where the boss
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t value their efforts, all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
them
is taken
for granted.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
by itself will exhaust them and shorten their lifespan without any benefits to them. At school,
for example
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks by luck if their teachers mark the students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

In conclusion
, I believe that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and having luck,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their ambition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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