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In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. v. 3
People have different views about what decisions about the form of studying will benefit students. While there are some benefits of learning with modern technology at home, I would argue that it is better for people to attend schools. It is apparent that there are some positive sides of studying with support of machinery. First of all, students can easily search documents on the Internet, while, at school, they do not allow to use computer or phone. For example, there are a numerous online courses where undergraduates are helped by subject specialist and be given necessary documents after lessons. Secondly, some students will save a huge amount of time, especially, when they are far from school. Therefore, it’s a more flexible way of studying that pupils won’t lack of lessons. On the other hand, the primary thing is that people should go to traditional schools. First and foremost, schools do not only teach basic education but also life skills such as communication, confidence, presentation …Consequently, undergraduates are developed completely and be opened the door to new horizons. The other advantage is opportunities for career in the future. Students will be gained qualify for job when graduating. Many well-conditioned company always look at the certification to accept an employee. In conclusion, while studying at home is a convenient way for some people, I do believe that they also take part in traditional schools to have a better future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about what decisions about the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of learning with modern technology at home, I would argue that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend schools.

It is apparent that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
with support of machinery.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
easily
search documents on the Internet, while, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer or phone.
For example
, there are a numerous online courses where undergraduates are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by subject specialist and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
necessary documents after lessons.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will save a huge amount of time,
especially
, when they are far from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, it’s a more flexible way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
that pupils won’t lack of lessons.

On the other hand
, the primary thing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should go to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach basic education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication, confidence, presentation …
Add a space between sentences
Consequently
, undergraduates
are developed
completely and
be opened
the door to new horizons. The other advantage is opportunities for career in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will
be gained
qualify for job when graduating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
well-conditioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always look at the certification to accept an employee.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at home is a convenient way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I do believe that they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to have a better future.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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