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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowled v.48

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. 48
These days, more and more households want to have comfortable accommodation. That puts governments under a pressure to balance between the housing need and the environmental protection. As far as I am concerned, it is the significant problem that many countries are dealing with. First of all, creating well-furnished houses to meet the needs of local people is really necessary to encourage the economy to grow. This is because housing is a place to live, to gain energy back after hard-working days. If blue-collar workers did not have a good place to live, they could not have good health to make a great contribution to society by producing goods and services. Moreover, accommodation seems to be peaceful space for local residents to have rest and relaxation. Some cannot work well when they are often worried about the condition of their houses. Second of all, protecting the natural habitat is as crucial as meeting the housing need. In other words, building residential areas can make the environment more polluted. For instance, transportation of material may release more carbon dioxin that is the main reason of global warming. Furthermore, nose pollution should be considered by governments. If governments did consider the environmental issues carefully their countries would face with more serious problems. To conclude, solving the housing problem is as important as the environmental issue in the condition of increasing in population in the world. In my opinion, governments should come up with solutions to tackle two problems as soon as possible, and avoid making negative impacts on society.
These days, more and more households want to have comfortable accommodation. That puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
under a pressure to balance between the housing need and the environmental protection. As far as I
am concerned
, it is the significant problem that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are dealing with.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, creating well-furnished
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
really
necessary to encourage the economy to grow. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
housing is a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, to gain energy back after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working days. If blue-collar workers did not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, they could not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to society by producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
Moreover
, accommodation seems to be peaceful space for local residents to have rest and relaxation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
cannot work well when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
worried about the condition of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Second of all, protecting the natural habitat is as crucial as meeting the housing need.
In other words
, building residential areas can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the environment more polluted.
For instance
, transportation of material may release more carbon dioxin
that is
the main reason of global warming.
Furthermore
, nose pollution should
be considered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
did consider the environmental issues
carefully
their countries would face with more serious problems.

To conclude
, solving the housing problem is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the environmental issue in the condition of increasing in population in the world. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with solutions to tackle two problems as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, and avoid making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. 48

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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