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In recent years, the proportion of crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise and families are solely responsible for this trend. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement? v.2

In recent years, the proportion of crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise and families are solely responsible for this trend. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that the increase in the rate of crimes is caused by the breeding of family. While I agree with the idea of the only factor for this trend is families, I do believe that there are other reasons increase this tendency. On the one hand, parents now are overindulging their children since it derives from excessive love or many families tend to have one child. Consequently, young people behave badly as they are not educated properly. Almost rich families, for example, often use money to " teach" their children, so they always want to get more money from their parentage and it will affect their behavior after that. Furthermore, parents usually face with the busy schedules from day to day and hardly they attended at home. Therefore, they can not understand their youngsters, so children will not received enough love affair, this will impact on their feeling. In details, children do bad things at school and even in the society, or study decadently but their parents do not know. On the other hand, there are a lot of violent games and action films influence their performance as children often have habits imitation, so media also leads to crimes committed. Children are not old enough to aware which things should be done or should not be done in games or films. For example, some well-known characters in cartoons like Bunny, Batman or even Pokemon still contain factors that may harm children which negatively affects children' s sleep. On top of that, cosumer demand is also a main factor for this trend. Children often take a leaf out of their friend' s book or see a new thing in the market and want to have it but their parents can not respond them. For this reason, young people form the intention of stealing. Gradually, they will become crimes. In conclusion, not only the education of family cause the proportion of illegality, there are also many important influences make youngsters become offense.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the increase in the rate of crimes
is caused
by the breeding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor for this trend is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, I do believe that there are other reasons increase this tendency.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are overindulging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since it derives from excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to have one child.
Consequently
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behave
badly
as they are not educated
properly
. Almost rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
money to
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
teach&quot
; their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money from their parentage and it will affect their behavior after that.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
face with the busy schedules from day to day and hardly they attended at home.
Therefore
, they can not understand their youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "receive"
received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
affair, this will impact on their feeling. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things at school and even in the society, or study
decadently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not know.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violent games and action films influence their performance as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have habits imitation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
media
also
leads to crimes committed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to aware which things should
be done
or should not
be done
in games or films.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-known characters in cartoons like Bunny, Batman or even
'Pokemon' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Pokémon"
Pokemon
still
contain factors that may harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which
negatively
affects
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s sleep.
On top of that
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cosumer
demand is
also
a main factor for this trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take a leaf out of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s book or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a new thing in the market and want to have it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can not respond them.
For this reason
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
form the intention of stealing.
Gradually
, they will become crimes.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
cause the proportion of illegality, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
influences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters become offense.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In recent years, the proportion of crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise and families are solely responsible for this trend. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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