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When people succeed, it is because of their hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

When people succeed, it is because of their hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. with this view? v. 1
I would like to agree that success has nothing to do with luck. Moreover, I don't know a person who is successful that has not worked hard. In other words, success can also be read as achieving goals. Goals could be small or big, hard or easy. But no matter whatever it is, one has to be willing to put in the effort. In order for one to be successful, one should focus on their hard work and success is the aftermath. First of all, luck is an abstract word. In many religions, luck is gained through intense prayers, and the worst part about it is that people are ready for the long hours of praying but not work for it. The craziest thing that people fall for is Lottery Tickets. There are so many people who take a Lottery Ticket so seriously that they are willing to put in their one month salary into buying those. To me, it sounds crazy and here's why. For instance, let's say one buys ten tickets and still his odds are ten by 5 million. I say instead of putting those monies into lotteries, invest those monies into a book. Who knows, it could his/her career and eventually his/her life. second of all, being successful isn't easy. There are plenty of steps for one to be successful. First, One has to know what they are good at. If he/she has no idea of what they are interested in, they are wasting their time. It would be better if one finds that out as early as possible. Next, One has to be willing to sacrifice and compromise their comfort zone, because there are others who is working twice the amount. This is a world of competition and the one that pulls off the most hours, win. Discipline and punctuality are the next step and the most important step. One takes a tremendous amount of time to acquire this skill. One has to be consistent, meaning nothing like procrastination can affect what he/she is doing. This is all that it takes for one to be successful and luck has absolutely nothing to do with it. To put it in a nutshell, work for it, don't pray for it. If it were easy, everybody would do it. one has got to be the other one percent that is unique and is willing to sacrifice his comfort zone. One has to walk through the harsh stairs to be successful.
I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that success has nothing to do with luck.
Moreover
, I don't know a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
that has not worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
In other words
, success can
also
be read
as achieving goals. Goals could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or easy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
no matter whatever it is, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to put in the effort. In order for one to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, one should focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and success is the aftermath.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, luck is an abstract word. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
religions, luck
is gained
through intense prayers, and the worst part about it is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are ready for the long hours of praying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not work for it. The craziest thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fall for is Lottery Tickets. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take a Lottery Ticket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
seriously
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to put in their
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "one-month"
one month
salary into buying those. To me, it sounds crazy and here's why.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's say one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
ten tickets and
still
his odds are ten by 5 million. I say
instead
of putting those monies into lotteries, invest those monies into a book.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
knows, it
The word 'his' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
could his
/her career and
eventually
his/her life.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
second
of all, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
isn't easy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of steps for one to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
First
, One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
know what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at. If he/she has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of what they
are interested
in, they are wasting their time. It would be better if one finds that out as early as possible.
Next
, One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to sacrifice and compromise their comfort zone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'others' should be used.
is
working twice the amount. This is a world of competition and the one that pulls off the most hours, win. Discipline and punctuality are the
next
step and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step. One takes a tremendous amount of time to acquire this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be consistent, meaning nothing like procrastination can affect what he/she is doing. This is all that it takes for one to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
and luck has
absolutely
nothing to do with it.

To put it in a nutshell, work for it, don't pray for it. If it were easy, everybody would do it. one has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to be the other one percent
that is
unique and is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to sacrifice his comfort zone. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
walk through the harsh stairs to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay When people succeed, it is because of their hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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