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Topic: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experien v.2

Topic: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? 2
With today’s advancements in agriculture, it is increasingly difficult to ignore that many people still keep dying by starvation. This is very controversial issue that people like debating about. There are several reasons and solutions for it. This is true that the main cause of this problem is the costs. It means that developed agriculture cause higher costs of harvests, so that people who are from developing country cannot intake sufficient nutrition, and it results in starvation. According to WHO statistic shows that Africa infants are dying at each three seconds due to not enough nutritions. Also, the average of Africa GDP is lowest in the world. Therefore, a lot of scientists argue that main problem in starvation is the money, Even though, this problem is gradually serious due to continuous of developing of farming field, there are several viable solution for it. The best solution to this issue is the volunteerings from the governments and the developed countries. Many Africans don’t have ability to earn money to buy some foods or vitamins, so volunteering from people who have afford to help them can be perfect solution. Actually, there are several campaigns already, such as UNICEF. However, the countries where many people are suffered to hungry do not seems to contribute the concerted efforts. I would recommend that the government have to put their effort to deal with this problem as much as they can. To sum up. the main reason of starvation from the advanced agriculture is costs are going up, and the best solution to this issue is volunteering from developed countries and the governments which are relating to this problem directly.
With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s advancements in agriculture, it is
increasingly
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
dying by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like debating about. There are several reasons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for it.

This is true that the main cause of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the costs. It means that developed agriculture cause higher costs of harvests,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot intake sufficient nutrition, and it results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
. According to
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a statistic".
WHO statistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that Africa infants are dying at each three seconds due to not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
.
Also
, the average of Africa GDP is lowest in the world.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
scientists argue that main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
is the money,

Even though
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
gradually
serious due to continuous of developing of farming field, there are several viable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for it. The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this issue is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
volunteerings
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Africans don’t have ability to earn money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foods or vitamins,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
volunteering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
Use past participle here: "afforded".
afford
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them can be perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. Actually, there are several campaigns already, such as UNICEF.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffered
to hungry do not
Did you mean "seem"?
seems
to contribute the concerted efforts. I would recommend that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put their effort to deal with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as much as they can.

To sum up. the main reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starvation
from the advanced agriculture is costs are going up, and the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this issue is volunteering from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
which are relating to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
directly
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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