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When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. v. 3
In this day and age, it is true that technology has a great impact when we communicate with others. From my perspective, it has affected various kinds of relationship and I believe that this advancement has both positive outweigh the negative development. It is easy to point out that since the existence of the technology has alerted the way we talk in different relationships such as social life, education and business. First and foremost, with the numerous social media platforms such as Facebook, Zalo, Twitter, etc. , we are not only making more friends around the world, but also easily keeping in touch with our acquaintances and beloved ones by video chats without going outside to meet them. Second, online education is becoming a common feature so that the students are able to interact with their teachers and friend mates throughout some online study applications. This measure helps teachers and school children to save a large amount of time commute back and forth, especially, the ones who are far away from home. Finally, internet, emails, phones allow business people to communicate with their colleagues and also have a virtual meeting that they can stay at home to work. This advancement of technology brings many benefits for us. It not only permits us to contact with people in many parts of the globe, but it is more convenient for whom who cannot communicate easily with other people as well. Take the disabled as an example, thanks to some technological devices, they can talk and discuss their ideas to the people surrounding them. However, youngsters nowadays tend to make virtual friends on the internet rather than going outside to have real ones. Consequently, it leads to isolation and weaken sense of community. To sum up, it is clear that technology has been transforming the way we interact with others. Moreover, if we don’t depend too much on it, the advantages will be greater than the detrimental effects.
In this day and age, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a great impact when we communicate with others. From my perspective, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
various kinds of relationship and I believe that this advancement has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

It is easy to point out that since the existence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has alerted the way we talk in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
relationships such as social life, education and business.
First
and foremost, with the numerous social media platforms such as Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zalo
, Twitter, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
we are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
making more friends around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
easily
keeping in touch with our acquaintances and beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
by video chats without going outside to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them. Second, online education is becoming a common feature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the students are able to interact with their teachers and friend mates throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
online study applications. This measure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
teachers and school children to save a large amount of time
Consider using "commute".
commute back and forth
,
especially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are far away from home.
Finally
, internet, emails, phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with their colleagues and
also
have a virtual meeting that they can stay at home to work.

This advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for us. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
permits us to contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is more convenient for whom who cannot communicate
easily
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
. Take the disabled as an example, thanks to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technological devices, they can talk and discuss their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surrounding them.
However
, youngsters nowadays tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
virtual friends on the internet
rather
than going outside to have real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Consequently
, it leads to isolation and weaken sense of community.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been transforming the way we interact with others.
Moreover
, if we don’t depend too much on it, the advantages will be greater than the detrimental effects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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