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Some people believe that not all prisoners should be kept in prison, but some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. Do you agree or not? v.2

Some people believe that not all prisoners should be kept in prison, but some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. Do you agree or not? v. 2
Many people think that prisoners should be allowed to do some part-time unpaid works which will improve their mental condition. I agree with this view, but I think that rather than doing unpaid work, they should be involved in low-paid works so that they will be motivated to work more. Keeping all the prisoners in jail is not only costly for the government but also bad for the prisoners. If a person is kept in jail for many years without the involvement in physical work, he will not only suffer from mental disorder, but also suffer from physical weaknesses. But, if he is involved in any outside work, he will be in touch with many good people and his mental stress will be lower. It is likely that after getting the bail, he will be a good person. Although many people argue that prisoners should not get paid for their works as they are criminals, I think that they should get a small payment for their work as it will increase their motivation to work hard. Besides, they can save this money which will help them meet their expenses after getting release. However, authority should be very careful before selecting the prisoners who will be allowed to do job as serious criminals might do harms to the society. Another noticeable benefits from allowing the prisoners to work is that over the period of imprisonment, they will be skilled in a particular area which will help them get job after getting bail. In conclusion, some prisoners should be permitted to do low-paid jobs that will not only keep them happy mentally but also make them productive for future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time unpaid works which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental condition. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
rather
than doing unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they should
be involved
in low-paid works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more.

Keeping all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
in jail is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
costly for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
. If a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in jail for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years without the involvement in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suffer from mental disorder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
suffer from physical weaknesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if he
is involved
in any outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he will be in touch with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and his mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
will be
Did you mean "lowed", "lowered"?
lower
. It is likely that after getting the bail, he will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for their works as they are criminals, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
payment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as it will increase their motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Besides
, they can save this money which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their expenses after getting release.
However
, authority should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
selecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
who will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do job as serious criminals might do harms to the society. Another noticeable benefits from allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is that over the period of imprisonment, they will
be skilled
in a particular area which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job after getting bail.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should
be permitted
to do low-paid jobs that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them happy mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them productive for future.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that not all prisoners should be kept in prison, but some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. Do you agree or not? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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