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In recent years, the proportion of crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise and families are solely responsible for this trend. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement? v.1

In recent years, the proportion of crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise and families are solely responsible for this trend. v. 1
In current society, there is no denying that most peoples' ideas relies on information technology, without technology the working process will be more and oversee communication will be neglected. So, information technology controls every aspect of people’s work in some way. The following paragraphs will analyse the benefits outweighing the disadvantage of IT in our life. One significant advantage is mobile phones and high-speed internet access devices. With the help of these devices, people can easily order various items through online shopping and save the wastage of shopping time. Another key benefit is that people can stay at home and control the entire security system with one device. To illustrate with an example, our bills and booking tickets are handled through the mobile device without reaching out to the specific internet centres. Furthermore, home security and electronic gadgets are controlled by single technology because it keeps every data, information, items to be safe in the storage pack. However, there are also adverse impacts which must be considered. One important issue is that people who work in the office would face several health issues. Owing to spend more time on the internet and sitting in front of the system will cause considerable damage to their health. For instance, I had been working as a software designer for three months in IT firm, I spent at least eight hours to work on system, later I noticed that I had problems with my eyesight due to spending more time on a system. If I avoid spending more hour on the internet, it will not cause any adverse health issues. To conclude, in my opinion, despite having some negative effects, I believe information technology provides more benefits to users because it enhances our daily needs and turning our self-better.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, there is no denying that most peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
relies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
the working process will be more and oversee communication will
be neglected
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
controls every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way. The following paragraphs will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the benefits outweighing the disadvantage of IT in our life.

One significant advantage is mobile phones and high-speed internet access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
order various items through online shopping and save the wastage of shopping time. Another key benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay at home and control the entire security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. To illustrate with an example, our bills and booking tickets
are handled
through the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
without reaching out to the specific internet
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Furthermore
, home security and electronic gadgets
are controlled
by single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
every data,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, items to be safe in the storage pack.

However
, there are
also
adverse impacts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in the office would face several health issues. Owing to spend more time on the internet and sitting in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
will cause considerable damage to their health.
For instance
, I had been working as a software designer for three months in IT firm, I spent at least eight hours to work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, later I noticed that I had problems with my eyesight due to spending more time on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. If I avoid spending more hour on the internet, it will not cause any adverse health issues.

To conclude
, in my opinion, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides more benefits to users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enhances our daily needs and turning our self-better.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the proportion of crimes committed by youngsters is on the rise and families are solely responsible for this trend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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