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When people move to another country some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country Others prefer to keep their own customs Compare these two choices Which one do you prefer v.1

When people move to another country some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country Others prefer to keep their own customs Compare these two choices Which one do you prefer v. 1
Urban population has to face the variety of issues on a daily basis. The two main problems need special attention are the traffic and costly living. Although it is not easy, but in my view, rather than sending people towards their native towns, the government should pay attention to solve these big cities' problems. The first and foremost, in today's world of busy lives, where everyone is in a hurry, the heavy traffic issues have been increased. Owing to break the rules or because of congested roads and poor infrastructures of metropolitan cities. To illustrate, Karachi is a massively populated city of Pakistan, but due to increased traffic and disorganised construction of roads one cannot even reach the hospital on time. On the other hand, costly living in such cities is undeniable because common people cannot afford to survive in those cities because of high expenses. For instance, if you purchase a grocery of Rs. 5000 per month in a small town, you have to pay double for that, if you go to the large city. So, along with other things, the basic troubles of traffic jam and an expensive living in big cities, bother everyone in their daily life. Even though the ratio of people migrating to big cities is increased without a doubt, sending them back to their home towns is not a solution. Instead of encouraging people to go to their villages or small cities, the government should solve the issues people have to face daily. As an example, a person who has come from a small town to a big city, he might have some needs to fulfil and goals to achieve; and if you send him back it will be an injustice to the person. Therefore, the main focus should be to facilitate the people who come to developed cities, not sending them back. To conclude, while big cities have bigger problems like traffic jam and expenses, the government should find some way to fight against these issues. In my opinion, in order to get rid of all the troubles, the state should not return the people to their homelands.
Urban population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
on a daily basis. The two main problems need special attention are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and costly living. Although it is not easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my view,
rather
than sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay attention to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
cities' problems.

The
first
and foremost, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world of busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, where everyone is in a hurry, the heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
have
been increased
. Owing to break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of congested roads and poor infrastructures of metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To illustrate, Karachi is a
massively
populated city of Pakistan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'disorganised' is British English.
disorganised
construction of roads one cannot even reach the hospital on time.
On the other hand
, costly living in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is undeniable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to survive in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high expenses.
For instance
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a grocery of Rs. 5000 per month in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay double for that, if you go to the large city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, along with other things, the basic troubles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam and an expensive living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, bother everyone in their daily life.

Even though
the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is increased
without a doubt, sending them back to their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
is not a solution.
Instead
of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to their villages or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face daily. As an example, a person who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city, he might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
needs to fulfil and goals to achieve; and if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
him back it will be an injustice to the person.
Therefore
, the main focus should be to facilitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, not sending them back.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have bigger problems like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam and expenses, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way to fight against these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. In my opinion, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of all the troubles, the state should not return the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to their homelands.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay When people move to another country some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country Others prefer to keep their own customs Compare these two choices Which one do you prefer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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