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When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? v.2

When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? v. 2
People may choose to keep their old traditions from their native country or to accept new ones. Keeping the old customs will help one to overcome the cultural shock and the change of the environment. From the other side, accepting the new traditions will help one to adapt and make new friends with residents. In this essay, I will give different reasons why people decide to follow the customs of the new country or to keep their own customs. If one is from the country with strong and old traditions, I think it will be rather difficult for him to adapt to the new customs and moreover to reject his own. That is why some people from the same country try to live together and to create their own community where the old traditions are kept. They can not break the customs that were created by their ancestors. For example, some nations are restricted in certain kinds of food by their traditions. So, they do not go to the restaurants unless their traditional food is served there. Some nations according to their customs have to wear certain types of cloth because their religion tells them to do so. From the other side, if one is from the country with traditions similar to ones of the new country it will be easy for him to adopt and to follow the customs of the new place. He will not feel much difference. Probably, the most difficult part of his relocation will be to accustom to the new climate. I think that people of the new country are friendlier when they see that foreigner follows their customs. I believe that traditions of every country deserve respect, especially, when one lives there. In summary, I think that every country has its own beauty and if one wants to find out more about it, he will love it.
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People
may choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
from their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
customs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one to overcome the cultural shock and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of the environment. From the other side, accepting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one to adapt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends with residents. In this essay, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to follow the customs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
customs.

If one is from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with strong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will be
rather
difficult for him to adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
customs and
moreover
to reject his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
from the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together and to create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
community where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
. They can not break the customs that
were created
by their ancestors.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations
are restricted
in certain kinds of food by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do not go to the restaurants unless their traditional food
is served
there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
nations according to their customs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear certain types of cloth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their religion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

From the other side, if one is from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
it will be easy for him to adopt and to follow the customs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place. He will not feel much difference.
Probably
, the most difficult part of his relocation will be to accustom to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
climate.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are friendlier when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that foreigner follows their customs. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
deserve respect,
especially
, when one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
there. In summary, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
beauty and if one wants to find out more about it, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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