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When people grow older they need company but young people find it least preferable to spend time with old people. This is why many opine that older people should live separately. Should old men live with young people together in a family, or should they live in the clubs/retirement home for old men? v.1

When people grow older they need company but young people find it least preferable to spend time with old people. This is why many opine that older people should live separately. Should old men live with young people together in a family, or should they live in the clubs/retirement home for old men? v. 1
With the development of society, we have stepped into an old-man world. Many countries and governments are much concerned about the situation confronting us, especially how old men can live a happy life. Under this circumstance, many old-man clubs bamboo up with the view to provide elderly a better place to settle down. In my opinion, I think this is a good practice to solve old-man problem. Firstly, many young people are quite busy now. They devote themselves wholly to their work and life so that they cannot spare enough time to stay with their parents. Old-man clubs can offer bounteous food and entertainment facilities to the old people, rendering them a happy life there. In the old-man clubs, they can also make some new companions and friends and establish a good relation with them. Secondly, with the acceleration of people's living tempo, many young people are facing heavy pressure from the society, their work and families. If they live together with their parents, they will shoulder the responsibility to care for them and their pressure will become heavier and heavier. Old-man club relieves the heavy burden of them and makes them concentrate on their work fully. Finally, old-man club can also give careful medical to the old people. If old men live with their family, they are not ensured to be sent to the hospital immediately after they get ill. In the old-man clubs, they can get good medical care and recover soon. However, everything has double folds. Sometimes, old people feel very lonely because they often think of their daughters, sons and grandchildren. They prefer family atmosphere. To sum up, I think the appearance of old-man clubs is a good thing for old people. It provides the old people with a better environment. But old-man clubs are not a paradise definitely, which is a compromise to family intimation.
With the development of society, we have stepped into an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are much concerned about the situation confronting us,
especially
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life. Under this circumstance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
bamboo up with the view to provide elderly a better place to settle down. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
practice to solve
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old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
problem.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
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people
are quite busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. They devote themselves wholly to their work and life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to stay with their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
can offer bounteous food and entertainment facilities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, rendering them a happy life there. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
, they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new companions and friends and establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation with them.

Secondly
, with the acceleration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's living tempo,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing heavy pressure from the society, their work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with their parents, they will shoulder the responsibility to care for them and their pressure will become heavier and heavier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
relieves the heavy burden of them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them concentrate on their work
fully
.

Finally
,
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old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
can
also
give careful medical to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they are not ensured to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the hospital immediately after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill. In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
medical care and recover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
However
, everything has double folds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their daughters, sons and grandchildren. They prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
atmosphere.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the appearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a better environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
are not a paradise definitely, which is a compromise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
intimation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay When people grow older they need company but young people find it least preferable to spend time with old people. This is why many opine that older people should live separately. Should old men live with young people together in a family, or should they live in the clubs/retirement home for old men? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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