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Describe your family? Do you have a large or small family? How much time do you spend with your family? What do you like to do together as a family? Do you get along well with your family? Are people in your country generally close to their family? v.2

Describe your family? Do you have a large or small family? How much time do you spend with your family? What do you like to do together as a family? Do you get along well with your family? Are people in your country generally close to their family? v. 2
The unemployment is extremely enormous problem of bulk of the countries which is under development. In the modern life, the level of out of work has been increasing compare to for recent decades. The most recent results strongly demonstrate that it has several specific reasons Firstly, it has been experienced that the enormous rise in a number of citizens rather than last years. Because of it, to take China, for example exceeding 45% the humans are illiterate. Not only this process poses jobless but also impact on people’s health within countries. A multitude of people thinks that the principal reason is due to education and qualifications. Therefore, if jobless individuals had a diploma of university they would have private affair. According to world health statistics jobless has lent to stress as well as having deleterious effect on people. It is undeniable fact that jobless partly draws on rising populations, therefor more and more people think that this situation must be controlled by states. Not only unemployment humans need both career advice and retraining but also they think that governments back them up such as providing vocational courses. In addition, In many parts of the world bulk of states either create the claim benefits system or pay jobless benefits so as to help them. According to international crime statistic, if it were not to some extent much out of work it neither would have many crimes or murders. To conclude, despite the fact that jobless pose a detrimental effect on the individual, this problem has been controlled by states. In addition, from my perspective all of people must work to earn money for a living and support themselves as well.
The unemployment is
extremely
enormous problem of bulk of the countries which is under development. In the modern life, the level of out of work has been increasing compare to for recent decades. The most recent results
strongly
demonstrate that it has several specific reasons

Firstly
, it has
been experienced
that the enormous rise in a number of citizens
rather
than last years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of it, to take China,
for example
exceeding 45% the humans are illiterate. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this process poses jobless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health within countries. A multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the principal reason is due to education and qualifications.
Therefore
, if jobless individuals had a diploma of university they would have private affair. According to world health statistics jobless has lent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as well
as having deleterious effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

It is undeniable fact that jobless partly draws on rising populations, therefor more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by states. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unemployment humans need both career advice and retraining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
back them up such as providing vocational courses.
In addition
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world bulk of states either create the claim benefits system or pay jobless benefits
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them. According to international crime statistic, if it were not to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent much out of work it neither would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crimes or murders.

To conclude
, despite the fact that jobless pose a detrimental effect on the individual, this problem has
been controlled
by states.
In addition
, from my perspective all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work to earn money for a living and support themselves
as well
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Describe your family? Do you have a large or small family? How much time do you spend with your family? What do you like to do together as a family? Do you get along well with your family? Are people in your country generally close to their family? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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