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Most schools support extra-curricular activities, such as clubs and sports teams. Some schools pay for these activities, some require that students pay, and some use a mix of school funds and student payments. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v.1

Most schools support extra-curricular activities, such as clubs and sports teams. Some schools pay for these activities, some require that students pay, and some use a mix of school funds and student payments. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v. 1
There is no doubt that talent and hard work go hand in hand. While some people believe that certain individuals possess in born art in something or the other, Others argue that anyone can learn and accomplish to be an athlete or anyone he wants to be. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and will present my view. One of the most significant advantages of the gifted person is that he makes things look easy when done by him. It is because he puts his soul and heart in it. For example, an artist can work on a single painting for weeks, the reason behind this is, he has the clarity what he wants and what will be his end product look like. In other words, we can always correlate perfectly with talent as they won't stop until they achieve what they want. As a result, Talented people achieve a different status in our society. However, any talent is a waste if it is not supported by hard work and dedication. No one can achieve heights just on mere talent. For instance, Michael Philip was born with the skill of speed when swimming, but it was his continuous efforts that made him what he is today and establishing himself as one of the greats. Evidently, no one factor can contribute to someone's attribute, it is a sheer combination of a number of factors. To sum up, Despite people arguing and giving importance to the talent above all. In my view, the talent is something that pushes you toward something, but it individuals' dedication and love for that career that takes him places.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work go hand in hand. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that certain individuals possess in born art in something or the other, Others argue that anyone can learn and accomplish to be an athlete or anyone he wants to be. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and will present my view.

One of the most significant advantages of the gifted person is that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
things look easy when done by him. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he puts his soul and heart in it.
For example
, an artist can work on a single painting for weeks, the reason behind this is, he has the clarity what he wants and what will be his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
product look like.
In other words
, we can always correlate
perfectly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
as they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
until they achieve what they want.
As a result
, Talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
achieve a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
status in our society.

However
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is a waste if it is not supported by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication. No one can achieve heights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on mere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
For instance
, Michael Philip
was born
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of speed when swimming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was his continuous efforts that made him what he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and establishing himself as one of the greats.
Evidently
, no one factor can contribute to someone's attribute, it is a sheer combination of a number of factors.

To sum up, Despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
arguing and giving importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
above all
. In my view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is something that pushes you toward something,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it individuals
' dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for that career that takes him places.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Most schools support extra-curricular activities, such as clubs and sports teams. Some schools pay for these activities, some require that students pay, and some use a mix of school funds and student payments. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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