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Many people say that the 9/11 is a significant world event that has changed the world. Discuss the influence on world economy and other aspects taken by 9/11 incident. v.1

Many people say that the 9/11 is a significant world event that has changed the world. Discuss the influence on world economy and other aspects taken by 9/11 incident. v. 1
On 11th September, the whole world was shocked by the terrorist attack on New York, the centre of American politics, finance and economy. Four airplanes crashed, two of which ruined the twin trade towers, causing unprecedented losses. The New York Stocked Exchange was forced to be halted for four days, and the financial area in Manhattan a week away. According to the report by New York Municipality, the attack resulted in a loss of 100 billion dollars, direct or indirect. Undoubtedly, 9/11 incident makes Americas economy slide downward more sharply than ever before, with a decrease of Don Jones at 8000 points shortly after the attack. In contrast with economic losses, the perspective of markets has become more and more uncertain. Market orientated economy requires our confidence in economic rules. Investors are not willing to release their capital to the ever-changing market; for fear that they could not get the expected profit. 9/11 terrorist attack also causes many psychological problems to the Americans. The instability of society prohibited their trips outside, undermining their anxiety of consumption, which is a heavier attack on the stimulation of economic revival. On the other hand, we should not be too pessimistic about the positive effects of the attack. The crackdown on terrorism globally has connected American government with other countries, including China, which is beneficial to the capital market in the world. Furthermore, the war against terrorism stimulates American economy by the dimensional expenditure and cut down of taxes. An open financial market, flexible policy and advantageous information technology foretell vigorous opportunities for economic development. 9/11 incident is the largest catastrophe in human history, which not only deprived people of husbands, wives, relatives and friends but also made the world economy recede. We should adopt an optimistic attitude, overcoming the temporary recession and cultivating a prosperous future.
On 11th September, the whole world
was shocked
by the terrorist
attack
on New York, the
centre
of American politics, finance and
economy
. Four airplanes crashed, two of which ruined the twin trade towers, causing unprecedented losses. The New York Stocked Exchange
was forced
to
be halted
for four days, and the financial area in Manhattan a week away. According to the report by New York Municipality, the
attack
resulted in a loss of 100 billion dollars, direct or indirect.

Undoubtedly
, 9/11 incident
makes
Americas
economy
slide downward more
sharply
than ever
before
, with a decrease of Don Jones at 8000 points shortly after the
attack
.
In contrast
with
economic
losses, the perspective of markets has become more and more uncertain.
Market
orientated
economy
requires our confidence in
economic
rules
. Investors are not willing to release their capital to the ever-changing
market
; for fear that they could not
get
the
expected
profit. 9/11 terrorist
attack
also
causes
many
psychological problems to the Americans. The instability of society prohibited their trips outside, undermining their anxiety of consumption, which is a heavier
attack
on the stimulation of
economic
revival.

On the other hand
, we should not be too pessimistic about the
positive
effects of the
attack
. The crackdown on terrorism globally has connected American
government
with other countries, including China, which is beneficial to the capital
market
in the world.
Furthermore
, the war against terrorism stimulates American
economy
by the dimensional expenditure and
cut
down of taxes. An open financial
market
, flexible policy and advantageous information technology foretell vigorous opportunities for
economic
development.

9/11 incident is the largest catastrophe in human history, which not
only
deprived
people
of husbands, wives, relatives and friends
but
also
made the world
economy
recede. We should adopt an optimistic attitude, overcoming the temporary recession and cultivating a prosperous future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that the 9/11 is a significant world event that has changed the world. Discuss the influence on world economy and other aspects taken by 9/11 incident. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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