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When parents cannot afford the time to accompany with their children, they could choose to send their children to the child-care centre where many children have cared together; or they could send their children to an individual caregiver. Which one is bet v.2

When parents cannot afford the time to accompany with their children, they could choose to send their children to the child-care centre where many children have cared together; or they could send their children to an individual caregiver. Which one is bet v. 2
Facing the increasing tasks in today’s society, many parents, especially those who have their own jobs and careers, hardly afford the time to accompany with their children. Luckily, there are at least two options for them, which are sending kids to child-centred and to an individual caregiver. Some parents may think the individual caregivers are more reliable because they only take responsibility for one or two kids. According to my perspective, however, the child-care centre will definitely own more advantages. First and foremost, staying in child-centre which is a public place can guarantee children’s safety to some extent. There are more than one teachers and instructors in child-centre to take care of young kids, which can prevent them from accidents effectively. In contrast, staying in a relatively private room at home without parents, it is hard to say what would happen to the caregiver’s company. As an old saying goes that “We can live with an intention to harm others but without a cautious mind. ” We have to protect our babies from any potential evil. Thus, I think under the supervision of others, kids can get away from dangers in the child-centre. Furthermore, kids will more enjoy in the child-centre with a lot of people rather than stay with one person all the time. As we all know, child-centre may have different and various activities every day for children to have fun. Since the innate for kids is having fun, they will be happy for attending those activities. However, one single caregiver may not come up with new ideas and thoughts to change games frequently. In that case, children will gradually feel tedious and boring to repeat some actives time and time again. Therefore, in order to give children more opportunities to enjoy their childhood, parents should send them to child-centre. Last but not least, getting along with others in child-centre helps kids foster the communication ability from a young age. Kids have to communicate and interact with several teachers and numerous other peers in the child-centre every day, which is the most efficient method to practice their speaking and communication skills. By meeting and making friends with people with different characteristics and personalities, children will deeply understand how to build and keep relationships with others. In conclusion, sending kids to child-centre owns some benefits that cannot gain from the individual caregivers. Parents are peaky when it comes children’s education. I strongly believe it is a wise decision if they choose the child-care.
Facing the increasing tasks in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
those who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
jobs and careers, hardly afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Luckily, there are at least two options for them, which are sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centred
and to an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caregiver
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caregivers
are more reliable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take responsibility for one or two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. According to my perspective,
however
, the child-care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more advantages.

First
and foremost, staying in
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
which is a public place can guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
safety to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. There are more than
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one teacher", "a teacher", or simply "teachers"?
one teachers
and instructors in
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
to take care of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from accidents
effectively
.
In contrast
, staying in a
relatively
private room at home without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to say what would happen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caregiver’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. As an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying goes that “We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with an intention to harm others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without a cautious mind. ” We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
protect our babies from any potential evil.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
under the supervision of others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will more enjoy in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rather
than stay with one person all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As we all know,
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and various activities every day for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have fun. Since the innate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is having fun, they will be happy for attending those activities.
However
, one single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caregiver
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
games
frequently
.
In that case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
gradually
feel tedious and boring to repeat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
again.
Therefore
, in order to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more opportunities to enjoy their childhood,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, getting along with others in
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
foster the communication ability from a young age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate and interact with several teachers and numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
peers in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
every day, which is the most efficient method to practice their speaking and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. By meeting and making friends with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
characteristics and personalities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
deeply
understand how to build and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
relationships with others.

In conclusion
, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
child-centre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that cannot gain from the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caregivers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are peaky when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education. I
strongly
believe it is a wise decision if they choose the child-care.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay When parents cannot afford the time to accompany with their children, they could choose to send their children to the child-care centre where many children have cared together; or they could send their children to an individual caregiver. Which one is bet v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
414 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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