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Some people believe that charity organisations should help people wherever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. Discuss both and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe that charity organisations should help people wherever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. 2
Some think charity organisations should help the people regardless of where they live, while others believe that they should help the people in their originating country. In my opinion charity organisations should help all the people while giving priority to their own country. On one hand, charity organisations in developed countries such as USA, Canada, UK have much funds to help beyond their country and while doing that eventually diplomatic relationships between countries will improve. Another reason is that Helping poor countries in need. As an example, developing countries like Africa, Ethiopia or Syria can benefit from such organisations to aid people to improve their medical services, water purification and aid for hunger. On the other hand, while limiting the charity work to their own country will avoid risking any diplomatic or political issues, such as immigration problems while sending medical equipment and building shelters. Another benefit of prioritising their country people will help significantly improving the essential services within country. As an example, in every country there are homeless people and people who have in need of food and medical support, by focusing on these people, organisations can quickly address these issues. In conclusion, I believe governments needs to engage in the operations of such organisations, so that the political and diplomatic issues can be minimised while improving the charity organisations reach. In my opinion charity organisations should give more weight to their citizens while helping others in need, by doing so not only their citizens get benefit but also the people in need in developing countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, while others believe that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their originating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while giving priority to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
, Canada, UK
The singular proper name 'UK' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
beyond their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and while doing that
eventually
diplomatic relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. Another reason is that Helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. As an example, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Africa, Ethiopia or Syria can benefit from such
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their medical services, water purification and aid for hunger.

On the other hand
, while limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
work to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will avoid risking any diplomatic or political issues, such as immigration problems while sending medical equipment and building shelters. Another benefit of
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
significantly
improving the essential services within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As an example, in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
there are homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of food and medical support, by focusing on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
can
quickly
address these issues.

In conclusion
, I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to engage in the operations of such
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the political and diplomatic issues can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
while improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
reach. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should give more weight to their citizens while helping others in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that charity organisations should help people wherever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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