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When parents cannot afford the time to accompany with their children, they could choose to send their children to the child-care centre where many children have cared together; or they could send their children to an individual caregiver. Which one is bet v.1

When parents cannot afford the time to accompany with their children, they could choose to send their children to the child-care centre where many children have cared together; or they could send their children to an individual caregiver. Which one is bet v. 1
It is often argued that knowing how to cook food is a necessary and school-going children should be educated about it. However, others feel that it is wastage of time at school. This essay will discuss both sides of the view and in my opinion, I agree with the latter as cooking is a tedious task for kids. Many people believe that cookery classes if taught to kids will make them self dependant. In other words, Most of the parents are occupied at the professional front and at times do not prepare food for their children. Therefore, if students develop this skill that will not only ensure the intake of healthy food but also make them independent. For example, My mother who is a working professional unintentionally misses preparing a mid-day meal for me. Consequently, it makes me suffer as I am unaware of how to cook food. However, many people disagree and feel that teaching cooking at school will impact students academically. By this they mean, cooking consumes a lot of time and attention which can divert them from their studies. Resulting in a degrading academic performance of students. Take school syllabus, for instance, which is so vast that in order to complete the curriculum, schools often plan extra classes. As a result, Introducing cooking classes will further lower their score effectively. In my opinion, Educating cookery skills at school is indeed time-consuming and often needs a significant amount of preparation, making it really tough for students. Additionally, the various hazards associated with it makes it ill-advised/unwise to teach cooking at school. To Conclude, This essay discussed both sides of the view and stated that school should only teach subjects relevant to academics and leave cooking for their later stages of life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that knowing how to cook food is a necessary and school-going children should
be educated
about it.
However
, others feel that it is wastage of time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay will discuss both sides of the view and in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter as cooking is a tedious task for kids.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that cookery classes if taught to kids will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them self
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependant
.
In other words
, Most of the parents
are occupied
at the professional front and at times do not prepare food for their children.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ensure the intake of healthy food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them independent.
For example
, My mother who is a working professional
unintentionally
misses preparing a mid-day meal for me.
Consequently
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me suffer as I am unaware of how to cook food.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree and feel that teaching cooking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
academically
. By this they mean, cooking consumes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and attention which can divert them from their studies. Resulting in a degrading academic performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus,
for instance
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vast that in order to complete the curriculum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
plan extra classes.
As a result
, Introducing cooking classes will
further
lower their score
effectively
.

In my opinion, Educating cookery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
indeed
time-consuming and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
needs a significant amount of preparation, making it
really
tough for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Additionally
, the various hazards associated with it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it ill-advised/unwise to teach cooking at school.

To Conclude
, This essay discussed both sides of the view and stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach subjects relevant to academics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
cooking for their later stages of life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay When parents cannot afford the time to accompany with their children, they could choose to send their children to the child-care centre where many children have cared together; or they could send their children to an individual caregiver. Which one is bet v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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