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TPO6 #1- Talk about a photograph or painting you have seen that was memorable. Explain what you liked or disliked about it. v.1

TPO6 #1- Talk about a photograph or painting you have seen that was memorable. Explain what you liked or disliked about it. v. 1
The gradual merging of cultures and economies over the world has led to an increasingly competitive international job market. Recognition of the role [THAT] competitiveness plays in success has permeated most facets of society, and this includes the institutions that prepare students for adulthood. It is agreed [I AGREE THAT] that competitiveness among high school students should be encouraged. The merits of this position will be shown by looking at how a competitive spirit can help train young people to both spot opportunity and cooperate with others. Firstly [ON THE ONE HAND], grooming students to be competitive at a young age can help prepare them to seize opportunities down the road. For example, in many countries, high school is followed by a period of intense competition, as students vie [LOOK FOR] for scholarships, internships and career options. Students who are not naturally competitive or willing to improve their skills in relation to others will not achieve the same results as those that [WHO} approach chance more aggressively. Thus, it is important to encourage competition among students at an early age to provide them with a strong start in life. Furthermore, competition in team settings breeds cooperation, a trait that often acts as a precursor to success in life. For instance, to overcome an opponent in a competitive game, the members of a high school basketball team must work together to maximize their collective strengths. This acts as an example of how competition in a group setting can teach a young person the importance of teamwork, a valuable skill these young people will need in their future careers. Thus, it is clear that benefits do derive from the encouragement of competition in high school. As the above shows, competitiveness is beneficial to teenagers because it prepares them to grab educational and professional opportunities and as well instills an understanding of the importance of cooperation. Thus, it can be concluded that there are clear and healthful advantages to encouraging competition among high school students. It is hoped this trait is increasingly instilled in the young people of tomorrow.
The gradual merging of cultures and economies over the world has led to an
increasingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
international job market. Recognition of the role [THAT] competitiveness plays in success has permeated most facets of society, and this includes the institutions that prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for adulthood. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
[I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AGREE
THAT] that competitiveness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
. The merits of this position will
be shown
by looking at how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
spirit can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to both spot opportunity and cooperate with others.

Firstly
[ON THE ONE HAND], grooming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
prepare them to seize opportunities down the road.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is followed
by a period of intense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
vie [LOOK FOR] for scholarships, internships and career options.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who are not
naturally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
or willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in relation to others will not achieve the same results as those that
Unpaired symbol: ']' seems to be missing
[
WHO
Unpaired symbol: '{' seems to be missing
}
approach chance more
aggressively
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at an early age to provide them with a strong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in life.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in team settings breeds cooperation, a trait that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
acts as a precursor to success in life.
For instance
, to overcome an opponent in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
game, the members of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
basketball team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work together to maximize their collective strengths. This acts as an example of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in a group setting can teach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person the importance of teamwork, a valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will need in their future careers.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that benefits do derive from the encouragement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school.

As the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, competitiveness is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it prepares them to grab educational and professional opportunities and
as well
instills an understanding of the importance of cooperation.
Thus
, it can
be concluded
that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and healthful advantages to encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It
is hoped
this trait is
increasingly
instilled in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of tomorrow.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO6 #1- Talk about a photograph or painting you have seen that was memorable. Explain what you liked or disliked about it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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