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When looking for a job, what do you consider more important: the joy you will feel while doing the job or the money you will earn? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v.1

When looking for a job, what do you consider more important: the joy you will feel while doing the job or the money you will earn? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 1
Over the last few years, people tend to do their daily shopping in larger markets or malls. Despite the fact that this trend may have caused the closing if small local shops, I believe it outwardly has got a massive benefit to the consumers. In this essay, I will touch upon the positive impacts of this advancement. Undoubtedly, many people feel that shopping in larger centres is much more convenient. The most essential positive effect is that the consumers can do the whole month shopping at once, definitely. For example, the whole family can go to Costco once in a while and they all will be able to get whatever they need in one trip. In these large shopping complexes not only costumers are able to find different vendors under a single roof, but they also will save their precious time by not killing time to go from one store to another. Furthermore, this kind of shopping malls has got entertainment sections such as cinema complex, playgrounds and a food court. Obviously, people can get the chance of both shopping and enjoying their time. As well as that, supermarkets are including better facilities like car parking, toilets or resting areas. This trend also has some disadvantages for local shops. Along with this, they also are always capable of relocating to large malls or to an area where there is enough client. In conclusion, shopping centres have given local businesses a tough period, but they do give their clients the perfect opportunity to relish their shopping. Subsequently, as far as I am concerned, the immense merit of big malls outweighs the options of small markets.
Over the last few years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to do their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in larger markets or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. Despite the fact that this trend may have caused the closing if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
local shops, I believe it
outwardly
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a massive benefit to the consumers. In this essay, I will touch upon the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of this advancement.

Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in larger
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is much more convenient. The most essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is that the consumers can do the whole month
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at once, definitely.
For example
, the whole family can go to Costco once in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
while and
they all will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever they need in one trip. In these large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
costumers are able to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vendors under a single roof,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
will save their precious time by not killing time to go from one store to another.

Furthermore
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
entertainment sections such as cinema complex, playgrounds and a food court.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and enjoying their time.
As well
as that, supermarkets are including better facilities like car parking, toilets or resting areas. This trend
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for local shops. Along with this, they
also
are always capable of relocating to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
or to an area where there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
client.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
local businesses a tough period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do give their clients the perfect opportunity to relish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Subsequently
, as far as I
am concerned
, the immense merit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
outweighs the options of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
markets.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay When looking for a job, what do you consider more important: the joy you will feel while doing the job or the money you will earn? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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