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TPO 26: Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v.1

TPO 26: Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 1
It is often argued by some that the pupil ought to study the method of cultivating an edible material and know to boil the same are to be part of their curriculum. In my opinion, I agree with the notion because it helps them to learn the key development skills and the nutrient values in the eatables. To begin with, acquiring information about cultivation aid the school kid to enhance their science, math and cognitive talents. That is to say that they are motivated to read new skills which help them to solve their problems when they become adult. Moreover, it benefits them to know more about how the cookery items are grown by the farmers. For example, schools in Singapore have the syllabus to plant, grow and cultivate the food and hence it is rated as world's best education method to groom the young ones. This example proves that the importance of growing and cooking the foodstuff and improve their skills to compete others. Another point to consider is that, children will get to know the vitamin details in the food which they are growing in a garden. In other words, they will not waste the food and eat all the fruits and vegetables even at home when they know the importance of it. Also, they will get an option to taste all varieties of food. For instance, a recent survey conducted by the Columbia university reported that nearly 80% to 90% of the students are consuming nutritional food when they have a farming subject in their curricula. Therefore, children will learn the advantage of eating the cuisine and they will not be specific to a particular variety of food items. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that it is significant for the pupil to know growing and baking the cookery items as part of their study because it helps them to improve their new skills and make them to eat a healthy food.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the pupil ought to study the method of cultivating an edible material and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
to boil the same are to be part of their curriculum. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn the key development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and the nutrient values in the eatables.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, acquiring information about cultivation aid the school kid to enhance their science, math and cognitive talents.
That is
to say that they
are motivated
to read new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to solve their problems when they become adult.
Moreover
, it benefits them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
more about how the cookery items
are grown
by the farmers.
For example
, schools in Singapore have the syllabus to plant, grow and cultivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
hence
it
is rated
as world's best education method to groom the young ones. This example proves that the importance of growing and cooking the foodstuff and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to compete others.

Another point to consider is that, children will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the vitamin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which they are growing in a garden.
In other words
, they will not waste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and eat all the fruits and vegetables even at home when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the importance of it.
Also
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an option to taste all varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Columbia university
reported that
nearly
80% to 90% of the students are consuming nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
when they have a farming subject in their curricula.
Therefore
, children will learn the advantage of eating the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cuisine and
they will not be specific to a particular variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items.

In conclusion
, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is significant for the pupil to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
growing and baking the cookery items as part of their study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to eat a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay TPO 26: Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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