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TPO 34: Agree/Disagree: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cellphone, online game, and social networking web site. v.1

TPO 34: Agree/Disagree: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cellphone, online game, and social networking web site. v. 1
Over the past few decades, technology has an immense impact on everyday life and the way people shop is not an exception. With the increasing popularity of online shopping, some people believe that this will result in the closure of shops in towns and cities. However, I disagree with this belief and a number of arguments surround my opinion. The foremost reason for the shops to exist forever is that e-shopping fails to help people during the time of urgencies because of the variable delivery times. To illustrate, if someone gets some invitation at a short notice and need to purchase any item, only the shops would be able to provide best help as these are instantly accessible. Secondly, many people like to go to shops and shopping malls to browse the stuff and spend quality time with their families. Nowadays, malls facilitate a number of amenities such as numerous brands, kids’ zone with toys and games, restaurants and cinema as well, which have been becoming quite popular among them and attracts them to spend their leisure time. Moreover, there are a number of factors which make people sceptical about the stuff shopped online. For example: variations in size, colour and quality. Many surveys done on online shopping outlines one of these factors as the cause of disappointment to people towards online shopping. Consequently, people tend to return their products for which they get credit notes instead of refunds at many places which also is not happily accepted by many as they feel bounded. Another vital point is, there is always a cost associated with delivery orders and in order to avoid that price, the public ends up placing orders and go to the stores for pickups. On the contrary, there are a few merits of shopping online which can not be neglected. First among them is, it is time saving as no travel is required. Second, it provides more varieties in diverse brands as there is no physical space is needed, whereas stores can display or keep as many items as the shop size allows. Third, home delivery is preferred by many. In conclusion, although there are a numerous benefits of online shopping, shops will always remain as a to go place to people because of the reasons mentioned above and will never extinct.
Over the past few decades, technology has an immense impact on everyday life and the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is not an exception. With the increasing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this will result in the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in towns and cities.
However
, I disagree with this belief and a number of arguments surround my opinion.

The foremost reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to exist forever is that e-shopping fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of urgencies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the variable delivery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. To illustrate, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
invitation at a short notice and need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
any item,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
would be able to provide best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
as these are
instantly
accessible.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls to browse the stuff and spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families. Nowadays, malls facilitate a number of amenities such as numerous brands, kids’ zone with toys and games, restaurants and cinema
as well
, which have been becoming quite popular among them and attracts them to spend their leisure time.

Moreover
, there are a number of factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
about the stuff shopped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For example
: variations in size,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
surveys done on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
outlines one of these factors as the cause of disappointment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to return their products for which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
credit notes
instead
of refunds at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places which
also
is not
happily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as they feel bounded. Another vital point is, there is always a cost associated with delivery orders and in order to avoid that price, the public ends up placing orders and go to the stores for pickups.

On the contrary
, there are a few merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
which can not
be neglected
.
First
among them is, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving as no travel
is required
. Second, it provides more
The usual preposition for "varieties" is "of" not "in." Revise: "varieties of".
varieties in
diverse brands as there is no physical space
is needed
, whereas stores can display or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
items as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
size
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
. Third, home delivery
is preferred
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

In conclusion
, although there are a numerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will always remain as a to go place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons mentioned above and will never extinct.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 34: Agree/Disagree: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cellphone, online game, and social networking web site. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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