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When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eatingtogether is important to people in your country? v.1

When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eatingtogether is important to people in your country? v. 1
Nowadays, the gifts have become the inevitable part of everyone's life, as the populace considers this as a part of their prosperity. At present, most of the younger love to receive the notes as a gift on different and special occasions. As a result, this has drawn a line between two schools of thoughts, some people consider this practise as a negative notion and most of them are in the favour of this idea. I would explain both of the views in the following paragraphs and would present my opinion in the end. Firstly, the currency is the medium to fulfil the desires and help the children to learn about the management of the funds. For example, it is not always necessarily the parents do aware of the wants of their youngsters. Thus, sometimes they present the goods or products of enjoyment as the present, on the special occasion such as birthdays, but, sometimes they do not like such products, because of their distinct tastes and interests. therefore, the adolescents put those somewhere in the corners of the house, as they consider such items garbage. Moreover, the capital can help them to mend their their future by own, as they come to know about the utilization of the wealth in various forms, that include the investments, savings, in order to overcome the risk that may occur in the future. Consequently, the currency, when it is given as a present, can fulfil the desires of the children as well as teach them about the management of the capital. Secondly, a coin has two sides, it is, therefore, is not adequate to offer the finance as a present to the children. This activity may result in various adverse effects, which can prove as a bane for their children. These outcomes can make them spendthrift, spoilt-child. For example, the adolescents do not possess the mature mind, therefore, they do not know where to spend the received finance. Sometimes, they spend the notes on unnecessary and precious products that are not much useful to them. In addition to it, this activity may provoke them to walk on the wrong path like the purchase of tobacco and smoking products. Moreover, the notes can incite them to indulge in bad and illegal activities such as drinking alcohol, gambling, drugs intake and robbery. Apart from this, such actions can stimulate them to be the criminal at state, national and international level. Consequently, it is not appropriate thought to provide the children money as a present, due to its several adverse outcomes that can spoil their whole life. At last, it is apparent from the both paragraphs, the capital can prove as a boon and bane for the children or youngsters. The parents should offer them to join music classes, crash courses, et Cetra instead presenting the capital.
Nowadays, the gifts have become the inevitable part of everyone's life, as the populace considers this as a part of their prosperity. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, most of the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to receive the notes as a gift on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and special occasions.
As a result
, this has drawn a line between two schools of thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider this
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
notion and most of them are in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both of the views in the following paragraphs and would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
my opinion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Firstly
, the currency is the medium to fulfil the desires and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn about the management of the funds.
For example
, it is not always
necessarily
the parents do aware of the wants of their youngsters.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of enjoyment as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, on the special occasion such as birthdays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not like such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their distinct tastes and interests.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, the adolescents put those somewhere in the corners of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, as they consider such
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "items'" or "item's"?
items
garbage.
Moreover
, the capital can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to mend
Possible typo: you repeated a word
their their
future by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about the utilization of the wealth in various forms, that include the investments, savings, in order to overcome the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that may occur in the future.
Consequently
, the currency, when it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, can fulfil the desires of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as teach them about the management of the capital.

Secondly
, a coin has two sides, it is,
therefore
, is not adequate to offer the finance as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This activity may result in various adverse effects, which can prove as a bane for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These outcomes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them spendthrift,
Possible spelling mistake found.
spoilt-child
.
For example
, the adolescents do not possess the mature mind,
therefore
, they do not know where to spend the received finance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they spend the notes on unnecessary and precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are not much useful to them.
In addition
to it, this activity may provoke them to walk on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of tobacco and smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Moreover
, the notes can incite them to indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and illegal activities such as drinking alcohol, gambling, drugs intake and robbery. Apart from this, such actions can stimulate them to be the criminal at state, national and international level.
Consequently
, it is not appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
money as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, due to its several adverse outcomes that can spoil their whole life.

At last, it is apparent from the both paragraphs, the capital can prove as a boon and bane for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or youngsters. The parents should offer them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
music classes, crash courses,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
instead
presenting the capital.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eatingtogether is important to people in your country? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
470 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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