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852 851 first describe a place near water. you should say: where it ishow you get therehow often you do therewhat you can do thereand explain why you like it. v.1

852 851 first describe a place near water. you should say: where it ishow you get therehow often you do therewhat you can do thereand explain why you like it. v. 1
It is often argued that high speed causes many accidents with the pedestrians and cars. Some people might think that the best method to decrease road accident is to implement more stronger policies for people who drive so fast. I strongly agree that idea and this essay will address the perspective of rapid drive. First of all, people would live their life safely in their society when the punishments are reinforced. Giving tickets to fast drivers affect the rate of car accidents and then it leads the safety of inhabitants’ life. For example, people can walk and cross the road very smoothly because the drivers cannot go quickly because if they are not attending the law, they might receive an expensive violation ticket by police. Furthermore, people do not worry about the car accident anymore. Moreover, fast driving may harm people’s health. In other words, when vehicles operate so quick, the creation of noise would happen and then people could suffer the mental disease due to the noisy cars. And also, rapid vehicles would create so much emission gas because of the high speed it also deteriorates individuals’ health such as lung cancer. For instance, when the cars drive so fast like a lightning, their emission gas pollutes air then the environment of the community is destroyed. It makes also people’s health bad which means their life goes unhappy because they are frightened by unstable cars. In conclusion, all transportations are very necessary to our life in spite of the fact that it affects many accidents. However, I would say that government must give warnings for aggressive people who potentially harm another pedestrians. The powerful punishments are required to protect people in our society.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that high speed causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
with the pedestrians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best method to decrease road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
is to implement
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
policies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who drive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and this essay will address the perspective of rapid drive.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
safely
in their society when the punishments
are reinforced
. Giving tickets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
drivers affect the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
and then it leads the safety of inhabitants’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can walk and cross the road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smoothly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the drivers cannot go
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are not attending the law, they might receive an expensive violation ticket by police.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not worry about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
anymore.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
driving may harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
In other words
, when vehicles operate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quick, the creation of noise would happen and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could suffer the mental disease due to the noisy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. And
also
, rapid vehicles would create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much emission gas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high speed it
also
deteriorates individuals’ health such as lung cancer.
For instance
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
drive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
like a lightning, their emission gas pollutes air then the environment of the community is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
which means their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goes unhappy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are frightened
by unstable cars.

In conclusion
, all transportations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that it affects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
However
, I would say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give warnings for aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
potentially
harm another pedestrians. The powerful punishments
are required
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 852 851 first describe a place near water. you should say: where it ishow you get therehow often you do therewhat you can do thereand explain why you like it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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