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In many countries, the tradition of families having meal together is disappearing. Why is this happening? What will be the effects of it on the family and society. v.1

In many countries, the tradition of families having meal together is disappearing. Why is this happening? What will be the effects of it on the family and society. v. 1
Some people feel blessed and cheerful when they get an opportunity to live in various parts of the world; however, others are happy to live in the same place in their life. In my opinion, it is important to learn about different cultures and places to make our life joyful. On the one hand, people choose to migrate from one place to another as they are keen to learn and acquire knowledge about different cultural and lifestyle aspects. Moreover, exploring various lands and meeting people from different cultural backgrounds is the hobby of many people. Professionals who lack exciting opportunities in their own country are likely to migrate to places where there is a demand for skilled people like them. On the other hand, there are many people who prefer to reside in one area only. This is because they do not want to leave their comfort zone as many formalities and arrangements are required if shifting is involved. Furthermore, family oriented people opt to live within the joint families because they prefer the proximity of the family to better career opportunities. For instance, in India, many people live in their ancestral homes as they feel blissful residing in them. In conclusion, there are merits and demerits to staying in one place and frequently changing the place of residence. In my opinion, people who seek new experiences and challenges are the ones who keep moving from place to place. Those who love, comfort and familiarity will most probably live in the same place throughout their lives.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel blessed and cheerful when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in various parts of the world;
however
, others are happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in their life. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life joyful.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to migrate from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another as they are keen to learn and acquire knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural and lifestyle aspects.
Moreover
, exploring various lands and meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural backgrounds is the hobby of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack exciting opportunities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country are likely to migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where there is a demand for skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like them.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer to reside in one area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their comfort zone as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
formalities and arrangements
are required
if shifting
is involved
.
Furthermore
, family oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
within the joint families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer the proximity of the family to better career opportunities.
For instance
, in India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in their ancestral homes as they feel blissful residing in them.

In conclusion
, there are merits and demerits to staying in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and
frequently
changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of residence. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
seek new experiences and challenges are the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
moving from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, comfort and familiarity will most
probably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In many countries, the tradition of families having meal together is disappearing. Why is this happening? What will be the effects of it on the family and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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