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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 5
It is true that some job seekers select their career based on salary level. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that others base their job choice on more important considerations rather than salary alone. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why people should choose a high-paying job. One reason is that a wage plays an integral part in guaranteeing an acceptable standard of living. Being offered a high salary allows employees to meet their basic needs, buy a comfortable house and perhaps even go on luxury holidays. Furthermore, one of the best motivations is a competitive salary. For example, the head of a company may offer a pay rise to a new employee who is able to achieve a sales target during the year. This rewarding perk will encourage the new sales staff to try hard and enhance the level of job performance. On the other hand, job seekers have different reasons apart from salary to choose a job. Firstly, job satisfaction is extremely important when people choose their career. If a person adores the outdoor life, he will not be happy being a stockbroker or a financier, no matter that the salaries for both jobs are extremely high. Secondly, contributing to the community is another reason to consider a job. This could bring about a much more civilized society. For instance, Mr Kurt a Danishman, who has lived in Vietnam for about 20 years, has constructed 6 schools and other facilities for disabled children instead of working for the Danish Embassy. In conclusion, it is certainly true that money can be an important factor for many people when choosing prospective employment, but this is by no means the key consideration for everybody in making a career decision.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers select their career based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
level. While I accept that this may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that others base their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
choice on more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
considerations
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
alone.

On the one hand, there are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that a wage plays an integral part in guaranteeing an acceptable standard of living.
Being offered
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a comfortable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and perhaps even go on luxury holidays.
Furthermore
, one of the best motivations is a competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
For example
, the head of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may offer a pay rise to a new employee who is able to achieve a sales target during the year. This rewarding perk will encourage the new sales staff to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and enhance the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
performance.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose their career. If a person adores the outdoor life, he will not be happy being a stockbroker or a financier, no matter that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
extremely
high.
Secondly
, contributing to the community is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This could bring about a much more civilized society.
For instance
, Mr Kurt a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Danishman
, who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Vietnam for about 20 years, has constructed 6 schools and other facilities for disabled children
instead
of working for the Danish Embassy.

In conclusion
, it is
certainly
true that money can be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when choosing prospective employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is by no means the key consideration for everybody in making a career decision.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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