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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v.5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v. 5
In today's time, it is easy to find that a number of people are considering a higher payment when they search an occupation. But, I believe that there are several other factors that people have to consider with the exception of the payment of the job. On the one hand, it is partly true some thinkers argue that the most crucial deliberation is the wage in that this is the reason for which people pursue to be employed in the large enterprise. In the first place, a plenty of individuals eager for high salary in the sense that most people have attended a renowned school in order to enter the company which gives amounts of monthly pay to people, prepared for diverse certificates and conducted an intern programme. In this way, it is hard to deny that people do not ponder the wage when people choose a corporation or firm. Nevertheless, I firmly of the opinion that there are more pivotal elements than the payment. Firstly, since people spend amounts of time in working, people regard the vocational aptitude. Unless people quit their job sooner or later, they have to do their work compulsorily for a long period. So, it would be better that when people determine an occupation which what they have wanted to serve since when they were young, or do what they intended to work in the future, because the happiness cannot buy money. Another point worth mentioning is that people cannot help considering the environment of the company. For instance, no matter how people rake a lot of money from their enterprise, not only if people's firm is located far away from their house, but also if when they perform from outside, despite the freezing cold weather, leading to deteriorating their quality of lives. According to a recent survey, people prefer working in the comfortable place with low salary to serving in the excessively physical work level with high payment, in that people do not want to undergo any difficulty in working. In conclusion, it is still debatable whether which is the most significant factor when people seeking their job. However, I am personally convinced that people should deliberate about what does mean of job, and see an overall picture rather than focus on money.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's time, it is easy to find that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considering a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
when they search an occupation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe that there are several other factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
of the job.

On the one hand, it is partly true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thinkers argue that the most crucial deliberation is the wage in that this is the reason for which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue to
be employed
in the large enterprise. In the
first
place, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of individuals eager for high salary in the sense that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have attended a renowned school in order to enter the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which gives amounts of monthly pay to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, prepared for diverse certificates and conducted an intern
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. In this way, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not ponder the wage when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a corporation or firm.

Nevertheless
, I
firmly
of the opinion that there are more pivotal elements than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
.
Firstly
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend amounts of time in working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard the vocational aptitude. Unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
quit their job sooner or later, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do their work
compulsorily
for a long period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would be better that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
determine an occupation which what they have wanted to serve since when they were young, or do what they intended to work in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the happiness cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
money. Another point worth mentioning is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
considering the environment of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
, no matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from their enterprise, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's firm
is located
far away from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
if when they perform from outside, despite the freezing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather, leading to deteriorating their quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. According to a recent survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer working in the comfortable place with low salary to serving in the
excessively
physical work level with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
, in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to undergo any difficulty in working.

In conclusion
, it is
still
debatable whether which is the most significant factor when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeking their job.
However
, I am
personally
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should deliberate about what does mean of job, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an
overall
picture
rather
than focus on money.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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