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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v.2

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v. 2
Many people contemplate that money is the prior criterion when choosing a job, while others would argue that there are different other aspects to consider. From my perspective, besides salary, there are several more categories when choosing a job that we should think of. To begin with, we cannot deny that salary is important and it is decisive to many people when choosing a job. It is undoubted that we all need money to live and to take care of our family. A job with a good pay can ensure people’s financial needs. This is a reason that big corporations offer high salary to lure talented people. Secondly, passion is also essential when we choose a job. No matter how high the salary, we will never be happy doing a job that we do not like. If people choose a job that they do not want, it is likely that they will fail. On the other hand, people who are successful always feel impassioned with their job, since it is their desired career. For example, successful people such as Steve Jobs or Bill Gates were technology enthusiasts and they choose it as their careers. Last but not least, growth opportunity is also a pivotal facet. People not only work because of money and passion, they also work to search for growth opportunities. A job with huge potentials can provide people with great success beyond money. For example, young football players will go to big sports clubs to develop and further their career, which is quite understandable. In conclusion, although money is still an important aspect when choosing a job, there are other important principles worth considering before making our career choice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contemplate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the prior criterion when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while others would argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects to consider. From my perspective,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, there are several more categories when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we cannot deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and it is decisive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It
is undoubted
that we all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and to take care of our family. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay can ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
financial needs. This is a reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations offer high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to lure talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, passion is
also
essential when we choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. No matter how high the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, we will never be happy doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that we do not like. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they do not want, it is likely that they will fail. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are successful always feel impassioned with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, since it is their desired career.
For example
, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
or Bill Gates were technology
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enthusiasts and
they choose it as their careers.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, growth opportunity is
also
a pivotal facet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and passion, they
also
work to search for growth opportunities. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with huge potentials can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with great success beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, young football players will go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sports clubs to develop and
further
their career, which is quite understandable.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
still
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
principles worth considering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making our career choice.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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