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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v.3

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v. 3
It might seem strange yet blunt, but we cannot deny that we work to earn money so that we can put food on the table for us and our family. However, besides the salary we earn, we also look for job satisfaction, growth opportunity and social recognition of our race. To begin with, the stipend is important because without it we will not be working for a company at all. Some people are always after cash and would not hesitate to change their position if they are offering a higher salary. However, to others, job happiness is equally important as it ensures work-life balance and allows us to be happy in our workplace. A large number of people would not compromise their job satisfaction for the wage they are offered. Many top executives who resign from large corporations to work for smaller companies or to run their own companies are great examples of how much they value job satisfaction over the wages they earn. Moreover, the growth opportunity is another aspect people often sought for in their careers. 'A moderate salary and a great career gain aspect' is far better than 'a higher fee and no career growth' according to many professionals, and they are prudent enough to envision the future than to run after only money. Finally, people often want to be in a course that is socially appreciated and valued. For example, a few of my colleagues left high-paid private jobs to take government jobs only because that would give them social recognition and I quite understand the rationale for their decisions. In conclusion, besides earnings, job satisfaction which ensures a work-life balance is also important. Moreover, career success and social recognition often drive us to choose a career that brings us less money than we could actually make from other jobs.
It might seem strange
yet
blunt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot deny that we work to earn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can put food on the table for us and our family.
However
,
besides
the salary we earn, we
also
look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
, growth opportunity and social recognition of our race.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the stipend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we will not be working for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always after cash and would not hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their position if they are offering a higher salary.
However
, to others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
happiness is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it ensures work-life balance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to be happy in our workplace.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not compromise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
for the wage they
are offered
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
top executives who resign from large corporations to work for smaller
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are great examples of how much they value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
over the wages they earn.

Moreover
, the growth opportunity is another aspect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sought for in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. 'A moderate salary and a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
gain aspect' is far better than 'a higher fee and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
growth' according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals, and they are prudent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to envision the future than to run after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
want to be in a course
that is
socially
appreciated and valued.
For example
, a few of my colleagues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
high-paid private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that would give them social recognition and I quite understand the rationale for their decisions.

In conclusion
,
besides
earnings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
which ensures a work-life balance is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
success and social recognition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
drive us to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that brings us less money than we could actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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