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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

It is irrefutable that in this materialistic era, quite a few people just look for a job having sound wage, while a section of society give priority to other multifarious factors such as learning work environment, work flexibility, work-life balance rather than salary. After going delve deeper, in my opinion, work-life balance should always come at top rank during selecting employment. To embark on, individuals who assert that candidates should choose work from where they can earn high income as nowadays, in order to fulfil basic needs such as shelter, food and clothes, it is required to have good amount in their pockets. Moreover, money helps them to cope with this modern lifestyle which make their life easy and comfortable by building their dream house with bunch of facilities, buying their favourite mode of transportation. They can go out for vocations if they have enough money to spend. Also, if they have financially sound, they can teach their children in well renowned schools which assist them to gain healthy academics knowledge. Last but not least, they can make savings by earning more which they can use in their rainy days. On the flip side, other thought of school come forward with an argument that masses who analyse workplace environment instead of focusing on salary always become successful in their life as by working in co-operative and friendly organization, they earn a plethora of skills and having broad experience in various fields under their belt will open more work opportunities. Beyond all these aspects, according to me, it is significant to make proper balance between professional and personal life as it helps to alleviate family disputes which leads a happy life. A painstaking research has had held by Forbes which disclosed that two-thirds of people are become victim of divorce just because they are busy in their hectic working schedule and they do not have quality time which they can spend with partner. To conclude, although money has become part and parcel of individual's life, but family should be on top as amount always matters when ones live with their near and dear one. Once people get success to cope with both lives, they will always feel happy even in less salary.
It is irrefutable that in this materialistic era, quite a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
look for a job having sound wage, while a section of society give priority to other multifarious factors such as learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
flexibility, work-life balance
rather
than salary. After going delve deeper, in my opinion, work-life balance should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at top rank during selecting employment.

To embark on, individuals who assert that candidates should choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from where they can earn high income as nowadays, in order to fulfil basic needs such as shelter, food and clothes, it
is required
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount in their pockets.
Moreover
, money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to cope with this modern lifestyle which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easy and comfortable by building their dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with
It seems that an article is missing.
bunch of
facilities, buying their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
mode of transportation. They can go out for vocations if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to spend.
Also
, if they have
financially
sound, they can teach their children in well renowned schools which assist them to gain healthy
An apostrophe may be missing.
academics
knowledge. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
savings by earning more which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their rainy days.

On the flip side, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward with an argument that masses who
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analyse’ is British English.
analyse
workplace environment
instead
of focusing on salary always become successful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as by working in co-operative and friendly organization, they earn a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and having broad experience in various fields under their belt will open more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
opportunities. Beyond all these aspects, according to me, it is significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper balance between professional and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to alleviate family disputes which leads a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A painstaking research has had held by Forbes which disclosed that two-thirds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are become
victim of divorce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are busy in their hectic working
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedule and
they do not have quality time which they can spend with partner.

To conclude
, although money has become part and parcel of individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
family should be on top as amount always matters when ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their near and dear one. Once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success to cope with both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they will always feel happy even in less salary.
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IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are the most important aspects of a job?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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