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Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations. v.3

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations. v. 3
While a number of university students opt to stay with their families when pursuing higher education, some choose to live far away. In this essay, I will analyse both the advantages and disadvantages of the two options. On the one hand, there are several benefits of living with families when going to local universities. One compelling point is that students can minimize their expenditure as rent, utility bills and renovations are no longer concerns. Consequently, students can set aside financial worries and focus solely on their studies and improve their performance. Nevertheless, staying with families also means that students have to face with strict supervision and a lot of bindings. Living in their parents’ house, undergraduates will have to live by the norms and rules that their parents set, which can be restricting and frustrating at times. On the other hand, living away from home for further education can be a lifetime experience for many students. In fact, living far away from home can teach students invaluable lessons that can assist them when joining in the future workforce. When living alone, they will have to take care of themselves as well as learn to tolerate and overcome difficult times, which will not only help harness their many skills but also provide them with a sense of freedom. However, living on their own means that students will have to shoulder a lot more duties and responsibilities without the support from their family, ranging from securing their academic result of balancing their budgets. Constantly experiencing such unpleasant situations can put students under great pressure, which may result in stress-related illnesses. In conclusion, students benefit in different ways when they live with their family and when they stay alone. Similarly, there are disadvantages in both the cases.
While a number of university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt to stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
when pursuing higher education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the advantages and disadvantages of the two options. On the one hand, there are several benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
when going to local universities. One compelling point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can minimize their expenditure as rent, utility bills and renovations are no longer concerns.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can set aside financial worries and focus
solely
on their studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance.
Nevertheless
, staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
also
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with strict supervision and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
bindings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in their parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, undergraduates will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by the norms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that their parents set, which can be restricting and frustrating at times.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from home for
further
education can be a lifetime experience for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
far away from home can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
invaluable lessons that can assist them when joining in the future workforce. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of themselves
as well
as learn to tolerate and overcome difficult times, which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
harness their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide them with a sense of freedom.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shoulder a lot more duties and responsibilities without the support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, ranging from securing their academic result of balancing their budgets.
Constantly
experiencing such unpleasant situations can put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
under great pressure, which may result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illnesses.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
benefit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and when they stay alone.
Similarly
, there are disadvantages in both the cases.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations. v. 3

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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