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In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after their retirement. Discuss why it is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after their retirement. Discuss why it is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
In some areas, retirees prefer to relocate either abroad or in new regions inside their country of residence. Right after retirement, some people are free to decide on their new residential area, being it for a better climate or a lifestyle change. Despite that, this trend may lead to a disproportionate demographical balance, if not properly managed. To better understand this shift in life expectation, it is important to note that dreaming for better days with a better climate is the wish of some people that can only become true after retirement. Once a couple reaches the age of retirement, they become free to spend the rest of their life the way they want. With the absence of family and work commitments, it becomes easier to relocate, depending on the destination chosen. For instance, people always living and working in a cold country would definitely want to spend their retirement in a warmer and sunnier destination. Nevertheless, this important move on an individual level may be harmful on the societal level. Countries or regions with a majority of senior people can face a slow economic growth. The slow economy will oblige the youth to leave, thus pushing the average age to the high end of the age spectrum. Societies prosper with the right balance between age categories, and the future cannot be insured without the young blood. For example, rural areas lack technological advancement, because they are mostly inhabited by senior people, who, alone, are the not the drive to a prosperous economy. In conclusion, relocating after retirement gives the individual many benefits, and this is mainly due to the freedom that seniors gain once they retire. But we cannot neglect the fact that regions and countries cannot survive without a proper balance between young and senior generations, so that economy flourishes.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas, retirees prefer to relocate either abroad or in new regions inside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of residence. Right after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are free to decide on their new residential area, being it for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
climate or a lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Despite that, this trend may lead to a disproportionate
Possible spelling mistake found.
demographical
balance, if not
properly
managed.

To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understand this shift in life expectation, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that dreaming for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
days with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
climate is the wish of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become true after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. Once a couple reaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, they become free to spend the rest of their life the way they want. With the absence of family and work commitments, it becomes easier to relocate, depending on the destination chosen.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always living and working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would definitely want to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
in a warmer and sunnier destination.

Nevertheless
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on an individual level may be harmful on the societal level.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
or regions with a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can face a slow economic growth. The slow economy will oblige the youth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
,
thus
pushing the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to the high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
spectrum. Societies prosper with the right balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
categories, and the future cannot
be insured
without the young blood.
For example
, rural areas lack technological advancement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
mostly
inhabited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who, alone, are
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the not the'. Did you mean "not the"?
the not the
drive to a prosperous economy.

In conclusion
, relocating after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
gives the individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, and this is
mainly
due to the freedom that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
gain once they retire.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we cannot neglect the fact that regions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot survive without a proper balance between young and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that economy flourishes.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after their retirement. Discuss why it is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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