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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 6
Rich people earn more than enough to lead a comfortable life so that they can spend their disposable income on anything they like. For instance, they can use their excess wealth for the well-being of other people. Take a look around and you will see that the biggest philanthropists are all rich people. Today multi-billionaires in the US and other countries do more philanthropy than the governments of the world. In other words, being rich helps in helping others. Hence, I agree with the given argument to a certain extent. Poor people, on the other hand, have to struggle hard to meet their own needs. When they don’t have enough money to meet their own needs they cannot donate money to help others. On the flip side, charity or philanthropy isn’t all about donating money. It also involves donating time and effort. Both rich and poor people can make a difference to the society. You don’t necessarily have to donate money to help people. If you can spare at least an hour a day you can help people in very many ways. If you are educated and have a few hours to spare a week, you can spend that time in teaching underprivileged kids. Those few hours will make a huge difference to their lives. And for doing that all that you need is a strong desire to help other people. What this means is that although money plays a significant role in helping people it is not the only thing that matters. Charitable institutions also require people who can donate their time and goodwill. In other words, not being rich is no reason to stay out of philanthropy. Looking at both sides of the argument, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to see that richness is not the only factor that determines a person’s ability to help others. It is important, but even if you are not rich you can help people in several other ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead a comfortable life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can spend their disposable income on anything they like.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their excess wealth for the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Take a look around and you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the biggest philanthropists are all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
multi-billionaires in the US and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries do more philanthropy than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of the world. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in helping others.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
argument to a certain extent.

Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs they cannot donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others. On the flip side, charity or philanthropy isn’t all about donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It
also
involves donating time and effort. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference to the society. You don’t
necessarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you can spare at least an hour a day you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. If you
are educated
and have a few hours to spare a week, you can spend that time in teaching underprivileged kids. Those few hours will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge difference to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And for doing that all that you need is a strong desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

What this means is that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a significant role in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that matters. Charitable institutions
also
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can donate their time and goodwill. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, not being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is no reason to stay out of philanthropy.

Looking at both sides of the argument, it doesn’t take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that richness is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor that determines a person’s ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even if you are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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