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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.22

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 22
Some people argued that the money is the key factor when people choose a job. While this might be true for many workers, I believe that others have different reasons for the choice of their career. On the one hand, I agree that the money is necessary for people to meet their basic needs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care and education. Most people consider it a priority to earn a salary that can cover their demands and allow them to have a reasonable quality of life. If someone choose their jobs based on enjoyments or other non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians, for example, are the ones who do the jobs that they love, but these professions do not always provide them enough money to live comfortably or raise a family. On the other hand, I believe that other considerations are just as important as the money people can earn. Firstly, personal relationships and the atmosphere in the workplace are extremely important when choosing a career. A generous manager and friendly colleagues, for example, can make huge differences to employees' levels of happiness and general quality of life. Secondly, many workers' feelings of job satisfaction come from the professional achievements, the skills they learn, the position they reach, rather than how much money they earn. Finally, some people decide on their career path because they want to do something to help others in need and contribute to the society. Finally, while salaries can affect people ' s choice of professions, I do not believe that the money can outweight other motivations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key factor when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While this might be true for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers, I believe that others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons for the choice of their career.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs.
For example
, we all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for housing, food, bills, health care and education. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it a priority to earn a salary that can cover their demands and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to have a reasonable quality of life. If someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chooses", "chose".
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on enjoyments or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians,
for example
, are the ones who do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these professions do not always provide them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
or raise a family.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
considerations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn.
Firstly
, personal relationships and the atmosphere in the workplace are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when choosing a career. A generous manager and friendly colleagues,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge differences to
Possible spelling mistake found.
employees&
#039; levels of happiness and general quality of life.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
workers&
#039; feelings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the professional achievements, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they learn, the position they reach,
rather
than how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they earn.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide on their career path
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to do something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others in need and contribute to the society.

Finally
, while salaries can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
' s choice of professions, I do not believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
motivations
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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